Things are okay? Really? *knocks on wood*

At least things with the hips. I'm almost scared to say it but they're really feeling good. Even Mr. ILikeToComplainAlot Righty. I was worried when I realized I'd be dancing everyday this semester, as in 7 days a week, but I'm so happy that things are going so well. Even with tech week and going through things on the dreadfully hard stage. I think this will be my first ever vacation during which I don't have to see Kocher. Sure beats last Thanksgiving when I flew out of B-more at the ass crack of dawn and went straight from the airport to go get Righty arthrogramed and MRI'd. I'm pretty pumped. I'm amping up the dance schedule again next semester with not only ballet 5 days/week but also modern and pointe 5 days/week. Plus whatever rehearsals there may be on weekends. I'm hoping for the best but am ready to step it down a little if need be.

We've been working on my alignment a lot. Like the fact that my knees can touch when in a wide second apparently isn't something I should be proud of. haha. But I really think that's been helping to take a lot of the extra strain off my hip flexors and hips in general. That and the lack of Graham classes this semester. Though I miss Graham, if it keeps my hips feeling good, I'm okay with it. But I might try to sneak a class in once a week next semester.


Otherwise, my life is absolutely insane. I cannot wait for this semester to be over. Three upper level bio courses, two with labs was a REALLY bad choice. No labs next semester, only one bio course, and the rest filled with dance? SOUNDS FAB TO ME. Right, and it's tech week. I'd say I'm looking forward to break but it's tech week for the 254 show when we get back, in addition to the two exams and lab report I have due that week. haha.

Q: What are you being for halloween? A: Asleep, in my bed.

That's the kind of semester it's been. Two 300-level bio courses, one with a lab, plus animal phys--a 200-level course that should be a 300-level--plus comp and all the other dance classes and insane rehearsals. BAD CHOICES. Yes, it's Halloween and I'm fully anticipating getting an insane amount of sleep tonight because I haven't gotten enough in far too long.

The Jessica Lang residency was AMAZING. She's probs one of my new fav people but the whole 5 hours of rehearsal plus class every day for a week thing demolished my hips. As did my little trip down the stairs during a fire drill at 4 am. I went and saw the PT here about them, she thinks they're just horribly out of alignment thanks to the freakish hypermobility in my hips, knees, and back (and really, my body in general). No surprise there. Doesn't help them to stop pinching and grinding though.

This isn't an annual event!

Okay, so first off, Mr. Psoas has been a little grumbly over the past few days so I've been keeping a legwarmer pulled up on my right leg. No big deal, I'm like this at least 50% of the time.

Anyways, yesterday Karissa came up to me at barre and was like "so, are you having hip surgery this week?" I was very confused and was like "not that anyone has told me about?..." I thought the legwarmer was confusing her but apparently the email from last year reappeared in her inbox. haha. Umm yea...despite what it seems, this isn't an annual event! I mean, it has been but...lolz.


So, in the past few days, I've essentially sold my soul to the dance department. I got into the residency with Jessica Lang later this semester (WICKED EXCITED!!!) and also a 254 (or whatever it is these days...) piece. Woo. Now I just can't eff up my hips too much. Right, like that always goes according to plan...Oh, and Liz (aka 9 am ballet teacher) is in charge of the res stuff so I can't keep screwing up so bad in class...uhh.

One Year.

Holy shit, it's already been a year since lefty was scoped. And what a year it's been. Looking back, I don't think lefty has been anything short of perfect. Okay, maybe not perfect since it had to be scoped and all (and I'm convinced these scars aren't fading as nicely as righty's!), but pretty damn good. I'm not thrilled with the fact that it's still not as strong as righty but that's my own dumb fault for being afraid to push it too much and end up with tendonitis over there too.

Righty is strong...and that's about all that it's got going for it. Otherwise, righty sucks. It played the pinchy game on me today in ballet class and I almost had a fit. I really hate this. I'm being nice to it--warming it up well before class, trying my hardest not to crank my turnout, and icing it at night--so this is unacceptable! Granted, it has gone from hot and humid to winter in the matter of a weekend (winter being used very loosely...it's been in the high 50s in the morning and then warming up to the mid 70s) but that's no excuse for being pinchy like this!!

Umm...in other news, classes started today. At least in theory. I mean, Hiller canceled advanced genetics lab on us at 7:30 this morning (after I was already awake!!) and Animal Phys lab starts next week, so all I had today was Karissa's ballet class. And there are faculty auditions later tonight (really, why are they at 9 pm on a Tuesday?!). Tomorrow will be quite the adventure...9 to 6 solid. Also starting back riding on Thursday...I'm a little nervous since, ya know, I got on a horse for the first time in 2 years (and 2 hip surgeries!) last February and then haven't ridden since May. haha. But it should be good. AHHHH.

Apparently absurdly hot and humid is the answer?

Moved back to Baltimore on Thursday. Hauled all my crap up to the fourth floor. Started 3+ classes a day (no Liz, I haven't ditched) on Friday. Shoved an Ikea couch in Shannon's trunk and hauled it up to the fourth floor on Saturday (more about that in a bit...it was an adventure). And it's August in Baltimore. My hips have every reason to be horribly angry with me, even lefty. But they've been perfect.

Well, almost.

Lefty got a little pinchy on me on Sunday after classes and righty has been playing the "I'm going to tighten up into a knotted ball" game on me on and off. But really, every other part of my body is screaming out, this is to be expected. And it's nothing that an ice pack and/or some icyhot can't resolve. Now if only things could stay like this...


So, that ikea couch. We went and checked out a sofa bed at some sketchy warehouse store but it weighed about 8 million pounds. So that wasn't about to happen. Had we left with that one, there'd be a red polka-dotted couch chilling in the middle of Pearlstone lawn. We went with a lovely white canvas one from ikea instead. It's already got a few stains. Anyways, it was in an 88 lbs box but we figured if we had to, we could always take it up piece by piece. Thank you Ikea for "some assembly required." After the scene we caused getting it on our cart and through the checkout (I had to climb on the shelf and shimmy behind it to push it out...we couldn't pull it), it had started to downpour. Once in the parking lot, we realized that the box was about as wide as Shannon's car. Luckily a very nice man helped us to shove it in her trunk, otherwise we would have been tying it to the roof which definitely would not have ended well. Got back to school and struggled to un-wedge it from the trunk. When we finally were about to get through the door, the box broke (it was completely drenched) and couch parts spilled everywhere. Yup. It's now sitting assembled in the middle of our room, looking lovely.

*deep sigh of relief*

Alrighty, so I saw Kocher today. Mentioned the feeling of my hip slipping out of joint as well as the weird grinding/sand papery feeling that I've had this week. He more or less agreed with my logic--that there really isn't a whole heck of alot of labrum left to tear. Then he took a look at things. When he'd stress the labrum, I'd get some pinching but, compared to how things were when I last saw him, I guess I'm actually doing better. The biggest issue seems to be with my psoas and a few other smaller hip flexors (what ones exactly, I can't remember, of course haha). It even snapped no less than 10 times for him!

That was the right hip. Lefty was a rock star. I have full range of motion and absolutely no pain--some snapping in my psoas (my left psoas is, if anything, slightly tighter than the right but causes no problems...because that makes sense?) but it's totally pain free. As I said, lefty freaking rocks. I wish righty would take a lesson from lefty.

At any rate, he thinks that righty should continue to slowly improve (apparently it looked better today than it did when I last saw him, imagine that) but probably won't get to 100% until I either cut back alot on my dancing or take a good chunk of time completely off. I'm okay with that, I understand that reasoning and will give it some consideration once I feel like I could take sometime off and not suffer horrible consequences. Oh, and I gotta stop cranking my turnout. Apparently my psoas really doesn't like that. Good thing I only have Kathy for pointe next semester...

So, all in all, he's pretty happy with how things look. Yea, righty leaves some things to be desired but in all reality, it's not all that bad and it's a million times better than it was. And, with any luck, it should still get better (though with my luck, it probably won't). For now at least, I'm feeling a bit more confident. While things are far from perfect, it doesn't seem like he's expecting them to get worse. And hey, sucking up pain is all part of being a dancer, right? Haha...

Best part of it all? I don't have to see him again unless things get worse. Woohoo...!


So, for the first time ever, it all feels manageable. I think. Or at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Early arrival is probably going to kick it's ass, but I'll live. Still gotta figure out the foot situation, but at least this is under control.

Speaking of early arrival, I leave in less than a week? What now?! I still don't even know how I'm getting there. I should probs get on that...

Bitten in the ass.

So yesterday I made a little joke about this being the first time I'm not headed back down to school with crutches in tow. Today, I'm barely walking. Talk about something coming back to bit you in the ass...

Seriously, who the eff put sandpaper in my right hip? That's what it feels like. I've got grinding, grating, crunching, and popping with every movement--no matter how small. Class today, probably the worst class I've had in a long time, left me nearly in tears.

I don't know where to go from here. I just want to give up.

Dragging my heels.

And kicking and screaming and just generally reverting back to 5 year old behavior.

Because I don't want summer to be over.


Summer being over means I have to go back to school. Means I have to pack. Means I have to face the fact I haven't taken a modern class since May. And, perhaps most terrifying, means I have to see Kocher.

I. Don't. Wanna.

I don't want to hear that this is how things are going to be. I don't want to hear that another surgery might answer some questions. I don't want to hear that I need to take it a little easier. I don't want to hear that this is unusual. I don't want to hear that no one knows what things might be like 5 years down the road.

For the first time, I just want to hear that things will be okay. That things will get better. That things aren't going to get worse. I know promises like that can't be made, I know there's no crystal ball but for once, I just want a sense that everything will be okay.

This is going to be my first fall semester dancing. I just want to go into it optimistic and excited. The first year in recent memory where I'm not planning for surgery. When living on the 4th floor is only going to suck because the laundry room is in the basement, not because I'll have to haul my crippled ass up all those stairs on crutches.

But there's also whatever is going on with my foot. Stress fracture? Boots and crutches so aren't in style anymore. So far I've had no luck in getting an appointment but just the thought of anything being wrong makes me so sick that, admittedly, I haven't really been trying as hard as I probably should be. For the first time, I just want to go back to school without an injury.


It's reached the point where it's comical. I have a hard time thinking anyone would take me seriously because I'm holding back laughter just writing about it. It's the only way to keep myself from just breaking down.

FML

So righty gave out on me tonight in class.

It was a chicken or the egg situation though. I was wearing the evil shoes (aka Gaynors. hate them, even more so now), they don't let me stand over my big toes like I'd prefer to do and, when I try (and do I ever try) they send of ricocheting back over my pinky toes. They also don't let me stand above the platform. Stupid flat plastic edges. DIE.

Anyways, went to releve on my right leg into a renverse. Hip and ankle give out at pretty much the same instant. Not sure if hip gave out first and then ankle did or if ankle was first due to the shoes and hip followed suit in response. Doesn't matter much, though I think the first scenario is the more terrifying one. No worries, ankle is fine. (as an aside, really, I should have sprained at least a handful of ankles by now. not once. not that I'm complaining, though it would be preferable to the hip situation)

Where do I instantly return to? Oh, just that moment when I landed from a straddle leap and felt the snap crunch pop. You know, the one that spear headed the three hip surgeries that I've already had. Yup. That's the first thought on my mind. (because I know the ankles will be fine, they're indestructible *PUNCHES wood* (none of this knocking bs)).

Where am I now? Trying to go to sleep but instead, freaking out and jumping off the deep end. Finding consolation in the fact that I don't think there's really any labrum left for me to tear, as pathetic as that is.


And the irony? Early on at barre, Mary was getting on us about our tendency to kind of forget about our back foot when in fifth position (if I can't see it, as far as I'm concerned, I might as well only have one leg. that's why I look at my feet all the time sillies! ha...). Comment was something along the lines of "TURN IT OUT! but do try not to destroy your knees or hips in the process" and myself, being one to find the humor in such a comment, mumbles "opps! too late for that!" and I proceed to crank my turnout just the way Kathy likes it (thank god I've got tons of rotation in my knees) and the way Laura would always yell about. Right.

FML.

Ugh. Why does my body seem stuck in this perpetual suck-fest?

(disclaimer: I believe there is something stuck under my "f" key...it's really sticky. so there might be a missing f here or there)


Righty is so angry and tendonitis-y at the moment. Like really, what gives. I see Kocher in a few weeks, I might bring up the topic of attempting a cortisone injection again but since the last did next to nothing, I'm not sure it's worth while. The last also left me in complete agony for about a week and I've got auditions starting August 21st...I see Kocher on the 13th, so that doesn't give me much room to mess around with scheduling and getting things back under control (I know he'd be able to get me in, he got me in for the last one a matter o days later). Ughhhhh.

Lefty has been fine, kind of an obnoxious reminder of what the right had been until last fall. It got angry with me last week after I pushed it way too hard in a modern class--apparently I still have a tender spot when I raise it turned in and to the side above 90 degrees. Another thing to ask Kocher about...is that spot ever going to go away? I mean, there's not a whole lot that I do that actually demands I use that position, but it'd be nice to know that it will one day be possible without having to suffer the consequences for a week afterward.

In other news, I've been getting weird twinges in my left foot. On the outside edge, about even with the highest point o my arch. idk what that is but I don't like it! I should probably get it checked out but so far it's just a random pain when I land from jumps on the left and occasionally when I'm going down stairs. I'll cross that bridge when I have to. Not right now.


Right, so, I go back to school in about a month. Work ends (thank god) this Friday. My mother is trying to get me to take next week off from class to go on vacation or a few days but I'm just starting to feel okay back in pointe shoes and I'm really not sure it'd be a good idea to stop now, even if only for a week. We'll see.

I've got to get on ordering books and should probably consider unpacking some of the crap that has taken over my room....

Really hips, why must we play these games?

Dear hips,
You've been playing these games with me for almost four years now. My 2nd graders can't even play the same game for more than 5 minutes. Isn't it time we took a break from this? Preferably a rather long break, this is getting kind of old.
Thanks.


Righty sucks and lefty has started joining in on the fun as well. As sick as it sounds, the fact that lefty has been acting up has been a bit of a comfort--maybe it's being on my feet all day, maybe it's the sudden change in weather (though them getting bad when it's finally no longer raining doesn't make a whole lot of sense but making sense is so old skool). The right one is really starting to get bad though, to the point where I've actually started to consider taking a week or two off in the near future. I'm not entirely sure what the deal is with this BS, all I know is that I am not a fan. Seeing my good ol' buddy Kocher in about a month, maybe he'll have some fresh ideas.

Can I go back to school now? k thx

Work is sucking my soul.

2 days down, 16 days to go. Not that I'm counting or anything...
Chasing the little boogers around isn't exactly helping the situation with Righty and, for the past day or two, Lefty has joined the up to no good gang. It feels like there's just some scar tissue that's being worked through and my hamstring, IT band, and psoas have been a little irritated as well. Maybe I just slept in a crazy position. Little princess Annie is quite the bed hog.

I've been lazy as hell for the past week...I haven't taken class since Tuesday, I'm getting a little outta shape. I really need to get my act together on that front though, I can't keep this up for the rest of the summer.

Hello Summer!

I can't believe that it's actually been sunny and warm for the past two days! After the nasty rain and cold that consumed nearly the entire month of June, it was quite the welcome change. Just wish it wasn't so humid, though this is no match for Baltimore humidity--I don't quite feel like I'm underwater.

Right hip has been angry for about two weeks now. Really annoyed by that. It's my psoas that's being a brat, like it always is. The humidity really isn't helping matters with it right now either. Part of me feels like it'd probably be worth trying to see Kocher a bit sooner than mid-August (as much as I really don't want to); part of me feels like he's just going to tell me the same thing he told me back in March--that it's probably not going to get better and there's not much that can be done about it. Took it easy dance-wise (or really just ballet wise considering I have yet to take a modern class this summer...should probably get on that since they've finally moved me up and all) this week, partially hoping that that'd help the situation (but really because I slept through class Tuesday morning, forgot about class Tuesday night, and was exhausted Wednesday so opted out of class). It didn't really. Every so often I get that stupid pinching feeling that sends labral tear alarm bells ringing off in my head--happened Tuesday night, so I worked myself up and couldn't sleep, hence why I was exhausted on Wednesday. Logically, I know that's unlikely because 1) I'm not there's a whole lot of labrum left to tear, 2) all looked well on the last MRI, and 3) I have internal rotation, not a heck of a lot but some.

Left hip freaking rocks. Noticed in class on Monday and then again in class last night that it's wicked weak but I can work on that. It's really not cool when you have a combination that asks you to hold a grand battement in second and your leg drops a good 2o+ degrees. Yea...

Spent today at the hospital with my mom (no worries, she's fine...it was just pay back for making her wait around for me with three hip surgeries. Lahey is so not a fun hospital to hang around at. She totally got it good hanging out at Children's.), having training all day Sat and Sun, start work on Wednesday and then work Mon-Thurs for the month of July. And then summer is nearly over. Eeek.

Well this is new to me...

It's the first summer in three years where I'm not anticipating a hip surgery in the fall. So I actually have to stay in shape and take classes, what?! I see Kocher sometime in August and I'm hoping it'll be my last time in there. They're wonderful and all, it's just not exactly my favorite place to have to visit every time I'm home.

Things are really pretty awesome. They got a little angry when I was moving out, something about hauling all my shit down from the 4th floor and over to the car didn't really agree with them. Then the right one has gotten a little tendonitis-y on and off but I couldn't be happier with how things are right now. A couple months ago I was convinced I'd be having surgery again and here I am. So WOOHOO! I'm pretty pumped.


Grades came out and I did pretty damn awesome. A's in genetics, genetics lab, ballet (!!), and dance comp; B in orgo. Next semester will be fun (not). Double ballet, modern, comp, pointe (for credit w/Kathy. fml), and then animal phys w/lab, advanced genetics, advanced genetics lab, and plant phys seminar. Oh, and a riding lesson and my pre-departure class for London. Actually, I'm pretty excited for all of it aside from pointe and seminar. It'll just be class for 8:30 or 9 until 6:30 everday. BUT for the first time ever, I'll have lunch on MWF. I just won't really have dinner, ever. But that's okay b/c I have LUNCH.

Another week.

So it's Sunday night. Staring down the home stretch--three weeks left until I get the heck out of here. The next few weeks are jam packed--paper for dance comp, orgo test, genetics test, lab paper for genetics, final project for dance comp, 254 performance, 256 showing, paper for ballet. This week shouldn't be too bad, it's the week after that will be killer.

I also need to suck it up and call Kocher's office. I don't want to, I'm terrified really, but I need to do it or at least stop pretending that things are going to change.

The weather has left righty in a much better state than it was in for the past several weeks. I'm hoping it will stay this way but I'm also not all that optimistic. I know better than that. And after all the catching, locking, snapping, and grinding that had been going on, I really can't kid myself. I just need to get through the end of the semester. Then I can take a little bit of time off, let my body get fat and happy, and then spend the rest of the summer getting back into shape.

Things keep moving forward.

I've just realized that I'm 7 months out from my left hip scope. I can't believe it's already been that long. It was around this time last year that I was dealing with the arthrogram(s) and then the PT and starting to begin the process of planning for that surgery. It feels closer to perfect than I ever thought possible and it keeps surprising me--it's still improving.

Of course, being 7 months out from the left hip means I'm a year and a half out from the last one on the right...and that it's been 7 months since it flared up again. The longer it goes, the less faith I have that it'll ever get better. This week was another bad week--it locked on me on several occasions, including a few when I wasn't really doing anything (i.e. not in dance class). I don't know what to make of it--I have that sinking feeling that there's something way more wrong with it than just some inflammation but at the same time, I don't think there's anything more I could put myself through.

I don't know where to go from here. I think Kocher wanted this week to be my last of PT which, to a degree is a big relief because it's one less thing I have to do. It's also scary because I haven't gotten anywhere--things are what they were.



The last time I saw Kocher, one of his fellows raised an interesting question--would I have gone through all of this if I knew that this was going to be the outcome. And I think I would have, particularly given the stage of my life that I was in at the time when it started. Am I thrilled with the outcome? No but I don't regret deciding to go for it. I needed to do it--the other option was to just live with the pain, effectively ending my hopes for a dance career 3 years sooner.

That's where I am right now. I've stopped kidding myself--I've given up that dream. I've seen it coming for quite some time now, that of course not making at any easier to accept. For the time being, I'm going to keep dancing--I have to, it's who I am. I want to try and finish up the major because, if nothing else, it will prove to me that I could have done it. It's been a long road and I haven't reached the end yet. I'm still waiting to see where it takes me.

FML

I can just see it now "I'm 20 years old and I've had hip surgery 3 times. They thought I was getting better but now no one really knows what could be going on....FML"


Yea...Righty has been sucking BIG TIME for about a week. Why, I have no idea. It was "Shark Week" in modern class (aka Graham week aka hip death week) which would explain why my hip flexors are angry but not why my right hip has started catching again! Lefty is a bit sore too but it's all just muscular stuff and not all that alarming to me.

I haven't taken a full ballet class in a week. I haven't even really taken a full barre in a week. I've taken two of four modern classes--and didn't jump in either one. It's the take offs and landings that kill me. That's when it tends to catch and briefly lock. Getting up from rolls is also killer. FML.

I'm currently in the process of scheduling for next semester and I have no idea what to do about it. I don't know if I'll be dancing in the fall and I'm really sick of having to juggle things around at the last possible moment. Really, I'd just like to go ONE SEMESTER without having a change of plans due to the hips. My bio adviser expressed concern at the number of classes I'm planning to take, in part in hopes of not having to add anything in the event that I'm not dancing. He managed to talk me down from 4 bio courses (3 three-hundred level...one seminar, and two with labs...) to only 3 but was still scared that I had to use 2 registration forms to fit it all. Wanted me to drop a few of the dance classes but I explained to him that the dance department is worried that I won't have enough credits in the major since I'm essentially trying to complete it in 3 years--his response to that: "But that's absurd! You haven't had functioning legs!!" Yup, I've realized. So it looks like it will be:


MWF
9:00-10:20 Ballet
10:30-11:20 Animal Physiology
12:30-1:20 Advanced Genetics
1:30-2:30 Pointe (WF only)
3:00-4:20 Modern
4:30-6:00 Dance composition (MW only)

Tu
8:30-11:30 Advanced Genetics lab
12:00-1:20 Ballet
1:30-4:30 Animal phys lab

Th
9:00-11:30 Plant Physiology/Biotech seminar
12:00-1:20 Ballet
1:30-2:30 Riding

Assuming of course I don't spend the fall semester on crutches as has become commonplace in my life.


Right now, it feels so much like another labral tear. It'd be helpful if I wasn't in class/work/rehearsal/PT until after 5 everyday so that, you know, I could give Kocher's office a ringy-dingy. Really, I want to know whats up! When I last saw him, he was pretty confident there wasn't any impingement or another tear. We decided way back before the last surgery on the right that I did have a little bit of dysplasia/retroversion but not enough to justify treating. So far, that hasn't been a topic of conversation again.

Did I make it?

Yippee, it's spring break! I'm a little shocked I'm still alive. Between the 252 paper, genetics test, orgo test, genetics paper, orgo paper and countless 252 studies (and redos!) I wasn't planning on making it to spring break! Still not entirely sure how I did...lots and lots of coffee?

Seeing Kocher tomorrow. Because, really, what would break be if I didn't see him at least once? haha... PT is thinking that he'll be happy that I've made at least some progress but probably not so happy that things still aren't really all that much better. I can't say I'm entirely thrilled myself. Nor is Kathi, who I think would want to kill me if she could figure out who this "Megan H." character actually was...


Lefty is (still) doing fab. Balance is finally coming back and I'm getting a little bit more control over my turnout. Extensions are slowly climbing back up there. I can whack it up there in grand battements and such but holding it anywhere over 90 just doesn't work out so well. But it'll get there...eventually.

Righty is continuing to not get much better or much worse. It's a shit ton stronger than it was prior to starting up the latest round of PT but it's still not exactly a happy camper, especially when it hasn't been worked on within the past two or three days...like right now. We'll see what Kocher has to say about it tomorrow...

It's February.

Almost March, actually.

I was thinking about it and realized that Mr. Lefty will be 6 months post-surgery in about a week. Wow. Time flies. I've been dancing again for almost 3 months now, the same amount of time I was out for. So I've got no more excuses--I should be just about back to where I was. I feel like I am--I'm not hesitating anymore, I'm attacking things again, I finally got falling out of my system (in the ballet res auditions of course but at least it's out of my system now...), and I'm feeling good. The only thing I'm still struggling with really is holding my turnout and getting my extensions back up there--it was a good 6 months before surgery though that nothing was going higher than degage and it's only with this surgery that I have close to 90 degrees of rotation on the left, so I'm sure it will come with time. That and my balance on the left...we were doing partnered pirrouettes the other day in pointe class and I couldn't turn right because my balance was such a mess on the left leg, so I had to be a lefty turner. It better come with time.

It really feels close to 100%, as close to 100% as I think it ever will and ever could be. I sometimes forget that I ever even had that surgery. Then I see the scars and I remember or just get really confused for a second before remembering, and then I just feel like an idiot.


Mr. Righty is still far from fantastic. I see Kocher in a couple of weeks, hoping he'll have some idea of where to go next. I've been in PT again for a few weeks now and, while they've yet to give up on me, I'm about to give up on myself. I've been dealing with this for too long. My psoas is still angry as all hell and the cortisone shot didn't help that. It got rid of the nasty pinching feeling inside the joint but my psoas is still not a happy camper. PT has tried stretching it but, when you're so flexible already, it's hard to stretch things. We've tried strengthening it but anything that really works it causes it to catch and snap and get really sore. They've tried taping it which helps but only until the tape falls off. I don't know, I'm kind of ready to just give up on it for the time being. It doesn't bother me too much once I get warm in class, it's after class that I really pay for it and for the first few exercises at the barre that I really hate it. I'm also still scared to land on it, because it feels so similar to how it did. But I can deal with it and it's not getting any worse. We'll see how long I can put up with this.

Right, and about that

So it's the end of January. Back at school for about 24 hours, classes starting tomorrow. If this semester doesn't kill me, I'm not really sure what will.

MWF we've got genetics (on Monday it's twice!), orgo, ballet, riding, and pointe class. 9:30-2:30, 'cept for Monday when I've got genetics from 3:30-4:20 too. TuTh we've got dance comp, modern (115 AND 116!), and either orgo or genetics lab 8:30-4:30 solid. Fun stuff. But by some crazy twist of fate, it's only 15 credits. Yea. Not cool.

On Friday, my right hip had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of a cortisone injection. 7th time I've had a large needle of some sort or another placed into my hip joint. 5th time for righty. Right, and I've had three surgeries too. WTF. Kocher had planned to knock me out for it "because people usually find it really painful, especially when he's doing both the joint and the psoas" but I talked him out of it. He agreed that if I'd had 5 arthrograms and a previous steriod injection and wasn't begging to be knocked out for this one, I'd do just fine. Pretty much called me a bamf after the fact. I believe his exact phrasing was "What do you do...eat NAILS for breakfast?! You didn't even flinch!" Yup, that's right, nails for breakfast and tacks for snacks. No, not really, my standards for pain have just changed alot over the past few years. And lidocaine is freaking AMAZING.

Umm...so. Waiting for that to start kicking in. Feeling considerably less gimpy today than I did the past few days though so hopefully it'll be good to go by tomorrow. Would also appreciate it if his signature would scrub off my leg. I'm not entirely sure it was necessary to sign it at all, considering I was awake and could have just been like "yo, wrong leg" (though I'm sure lefty wouldn't have complained). I'm even less sure that it was necessary to sign it with a freaking permanent pen. I don't seem to remember it taking this long to scrub off after surgeries. It's totally going to show through my tights if I can't get it to scrub off by Wednesday. haha. That'll be a good thing to try and explain. I legit exfoliated my thigh this morning in the shower with all sorts of face wash...and it didn't really go much of anywhere. Whatevs.

Have to haul my (seemingly perpetually crippled) ass to PT again starting in two weeks. I guess I was supposed to start next week, didn't get that memo until after the fact so what can ya do. I'm too embarassed to go back to the place I was at because I was all "oh, I'm done with that now" before break and, well, obvi, I'm not. I probs could have gotten an appointment there, but, for the reasons discussed earlier, that's not going to happen. So I'm going some place down the street. And i'll be hauling ass there after classes. Fun. My favorite pasttime. Right. lolz.

Took class like mad crazy over break. Trying to get myself into shape. I'm not convinced. Mary seems to think I'm looking better but she's also the sweetest thing in the world. Auditions are in like 2 weeks, idk. Need to get in shape again ASAP. I've been saying that for quite some time. Can't believe it's already been 5 months since surgery. I've still got a long way to go.