Alrighty, so I saw Kocher today. Mentioned the feeling of my hip slipping out of joint as well as the weird grinding/sand papery feeling that I've had this week. He more or less agreed with my logic--that there really isn't a whole heck of alot of labrum left to tear. Then he took a look at things. When he'd stress the labrum, I'd get some pinching but, compared to how things were when I last saw him, I guess I'm actually doing better. The biggest issue seems to be with my psoas and a few other smaller hip flexors (what ones exactly, I can't remember, of course haha). It even snapped no less than 10 times for him!
That was the right hip. Lefty was a rock star. I have full range of motion and absolutely no pain--some snapping in my psoas (my left psoas is, if anything, slightly tighter than the right but causes no problems...because that makes sense?) but it's totally pain free. As I said, lefty freaking rocks. I wish righty would take a lesson from lefty.
At any rate, he thinks that righty should continue to slowly improve (apparently it looked better today than it did when I last saw him, imagine that) but probably won't get to 100% until I either cut back alot on my dancing or take a good chunk of time completely off. I'm okay with that, I understand that reasoning and will give it some consideration once I feel like I could take sometime off and not suffer horrible consequences. Oh, and I gotta stop cranking my turnout. Apparently my psoas really doesn't like that. Good thing I only have Kathy for pointe next semester...
So, all in all, he's pretty happy with how things look. Yea, righty leaves some things to be desired but in all reality, it's not all that bad and it's a million times better than it was. And, with any luck, it should still get better (though with my luck, it probably won't). For now at least, I'm feeling a bit more confident. While things are far from perfect, it doesn't seem like he's expecting them to get worse. And hey, sucking up pain is all part of being a dancer, right? Haha...
Best part of it all? I don't have to see him again unless things get worse. Woohoo...!
So, for the first time ever, it all feels manageable. I think. Or at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Early arrival is probably going to kick it's ass, but I'll live. Still gotta figure out the foot situation, but at least this is under control.
Speaking of early arrival, I leave in less than a week? What now?! I still don't even know how I'm getting there. I should probs get on that...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Bitten in the ass.
So yesterday I made a little joke about this being the first time I'm not headed back down to school with crutches in tow. Today, I'm barely walking. Talk about something coming back to bit you in the ass...
Seriously, who the eff put sandpaper in my right hip? That's what it feels like. I've got grinding, grating, crunching, and popping with every movement--no matter how small. Class today, probably the worst class I've had in a long time, left me nearly in tears.
I don't know where to go from here. I just want to give up.
Seriously, who the eff put sandpaper in my right hip? That's what it feels like. I've got grinding, grating, crunching, and popping with every movement--no matter how small. Class today, probably the worst class I've had in a long time, left me nearly in tears.
I don't know where to go from here. I just want to give up.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Dragging my heels.
And kicking and screaming and just generally reverting back to 5 year old behavior.
Because I don't want summer to be over.
Summer being over means I have to go back to school. Means I have to pack. Means I have to face the fact I haven't taken a modern class since May. And, perhaps most terrifying, means I have to see Kocher.
I. Don't. Wanna.
I don't want to hear that this is how things are going to be. I don't want to hear that another surgery might answer some questions. I don't want to hear that I need to take it a little easier. I don't want to hear that this is unusual. I don't want to hear that no one knows what things might be like 5 years down the road.
For the first time, I just want to hear that things will be okay. That things will get better. That things aren't going to get worse. I know promises like that can't be made, I know there's no crystal ball but for once, I just want a sense that everything will be okay.
This is going to be my first fall semester dancing. I just want to go into it optimistic and excited. The first year in recent memory where I'm not planning for surgery. When living on the 4th floor is only going to suck because the laundry room is in the basement, not because I'll have to haul my crippled ass up all those stairs on crutches.
But there's also whatever is going on with my foot. Stress fracture? Boots and crutches so aren't in style anymore. So far I've had no luck in getting an appointment but just the thought of anything being wrong makes me so sick that, admittedly, I haven't really been trying as hard as I probably should be. For the first time, I just want to go back to school without an injury.
It's reached the point where it's comical. I have a hard time thinking anyone would take me seriously because I'm holding back laughter just writing about it. It's the only way to keep myself from just breaking down.
Because I don't want summer to be over.
Summer being over means I have to go back to school. Means I have to pack. Means I have to face the fact I haven't taken a modern class since May. And, perhaps most terrifying, means I have to see Kocher.
I. Don't. Wanna.
I don't want to hear that this is how things are going to be. I don't want to hear that another surgery might answer some questions. I don't want to hear that I need to take it a little easier. I don't want to hear that this is unusual. I don't want to hear that no one knows what things might be like 5 years down the road.
For the first time, I just want to hear that things will be okay. That things will get better. That things aren't going to get worse. I know promises like that can't be made, I know there's no crystal ball but for once, I just want a sense that everything will be okay.
This is going to be my first fall semester dancing. I just want to go into it optimistic and excited. The first year in recent memory where I'm not planning for surgery. When living on the 4th floor is only going to suck because the laundry room is in the basement, not because I'll have to haul my crippled ass up all those stairs on crutches.
But there's also whatever is going on with my foot. Stress fracture? Boots and crutches so aren't in style anymore. So far I've had no luck in getting an appointment but just the thought of anything being wrong makes me so sick that, admittedly, I haven't really been trying as hard as I probably should be. For the first time, I just want to go back to school without an injury.
It's reached the point where it's comical. I have a hard time thinking anyone would take me seriously because I'm holding back laughter just writing about it. It's the only way to keep myself from just breaking down.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
FML
So righty gave out on me tonight in class.
It was a chicken or the egg situation though. I was wearing the evil shoes (aka Gaynors. hate them, even more so now), they don't let me stand over my big toes like I'd prefer to do and, when I try (and do I ever try) they send of ricocheting back over my pinky toes. They also don't let me stand above the platform. Stupid flat plastic edges. DIE.
Anyways, went to releve on my right leg into a renverse. Hip and ankle give out at pretty much the same instant. Not sure if hip gave out first and then ankle did or if ankle was first due to the shoes and hip followed suit in response. Doesn't matter much, though I think the first scenario is the more terrifying one. No worries, ankle is fine. (as an aside, really, I should have sprained at least a handful of ankles by now. not once. not that I'm complaining, though it would be preferable to the hip situation)
Where do I instantly return to? Oh, just that moment when I landed from a straddle leap and felt the snap crunch pop. You know, the one that spear headed the three hip surgeries that I've already had. Yup. That's the first thought on my mind. (because I know the ankles will be fine, they're indestructible *PUNCHES wood* (none of this knocking bs)).
Where am I now? Trying to go to sleep but instead, freaking out and jumping off the deep end. Finding consolation in the fact that I don't think there's really any labrum left for me to tear, as pathetic as that is.
And the irony? Early on at barre, Mary was getting on us about our tendency to kind of forget about our back foot when in fifth position (if I can't see it, as far as I'm concerned, I might as well only have one leg. that's why I look at my feet all the time sillies! ha...). Comment was something along the lines of "TURN IT OUT! but do try not to destroy your knees or hips in the process" and myself, being one to find the humor in such a comment, mumbles "opps! too late for that!" and I proceed to crank my turnout just the way Kathy likes it (thank god I've got tons of rotation in my knees) and the way Laura would always yell about. Right.
FML.
It was a chicken or the egg situation though. I was wearing the evil shoes (aka Gaynors. hate them, even more so now), they don't let me stand over my big toes like I'd prefer to do and, when I try (and do I ever try) they send of ricocheting back over my pinky toes. They also don't let me stand above the platform. Stupid flat plastic edges. DIE.
Anyways, went to releve on my right leg into a renverse. Hip and ankle give out at pretty much the same instant. Not sure if hip gave out first and then ankle did or if ankle was first due to the shoes and hip followed suit in response. Doesn't matter much, though I think the first scenario is the more terrifying one. No worries, ankle is fine. (as an aside, really, I should have sprained at least a handful of ankles by now. not once. not that I'm complaining, though it would be preferable to the hip situation)
Where do I instantly return to? Oh, just that moment when I landed from a straddle leap and felt the snap crunch pop. You know, the one that spear headed the three hip surgeries that I've already had. Yup. That's the first thought on my mind. (because I know the ankles will be fine, they're indestructible *PUNCHES wood* (none of this knocking bs)).
Where am I now? Trying to go to sleep but instead, freaking out and jumping off the deep end. Finding consolation in the fact that I don't think there's really any labrum left for me to tear, as pathetic as that is.
And the irony? Early on at barre, Mary was getting on us about our tendency to kind of forget about our back foot when in fifth position (if I can't see it, as far as I'm concerned, I might as well only have one leg. that's why I look at my feet all the time sillies! ha...). Comment was something along the lines of "TURN IT OUT! but do try not to destroy your knees or hips in the process" and myself, being one to find the humor in such a comment, mumbles "opps! too late for that!" and I proceed to crank my turnout just the way Kathy likes it (thank god I've got tons of rotation in my knees) and the way Laura would always yell about. Right.
FML.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Ugh. Why does my body seem stuck in this perpetual suck-fest?
(disclaimer: I believe there is something stuck under my "f" key...it's really sticky. so there might be a missing f here or there)
Righty is so angry and tendonitis-y at the moment. Like really, what gives. I see Kocher in a few weeks, I might bring up the topic of attempting a cortisone injection again but since the last did next to nothing, I'm not sure it's worth while. The last also left me in complete agony for about a week and I've got auditions starting August 21st...I see Kocher on the 13th, so that doesn't give me much room to mess around with scheduling and getting things back under control (I know he'd be able to get me in, he got me in for the last one a matter o days later). Ughhhhh.
Lefty has been fine, kind of an obnoxious reminder of what the right had been until last fall. It got angry with me last week after I pushed it way too hard in a modern class--apparently I still have a tender spot when I raise it turned in and to the side above 90 degrees. Another thing to ask Kocher about...is that spot ever going to go away? I mean, there's not a whole lot that I do that actually demands I use that position, but it'd be nice to know that it will one day be possible without having to suffer the consequences for a week afterward.
In other news, I've been getting weird twinges in my left foot. On the outside edge, about even with the highest point o my arch. idk what that is but I don't like it! I should probably get it checked out but so far it's just a random pain when I land from jumps on the left and occasionally when I'm going down stairs. I'll cross that bridge when I have to. Not right now.
Right, so, I go back to school in about a month. Work ends (thank god) this Friday. My mother is trying to get me to take next week off from class to go on vacation or a few days but I'm just starting to feel okay back in pointe shoes and I'm really not sure it'd be a good idea to stop now, even if only for a week. We'll see.
I've got to get on ordering books and should probably consider unpacking some of the crap that has taken over my room....
Righty is so angry and tendonitis-y at the moment. Like really, what gives. I see Kocher in a few weeks, I might bring up the topic of attempting a cortisone injection again but since the last did next to nothing, I'm not sure it's worth while. The last also left me in complete agony for about a week and I've got auditions starting August 21st...I see Kocher on the 13th, so that doesn't give me much room to mess around with scheduling and getting things back under control (I know he'd be able to get me in, he got me in for the last one a matter o days later). Ughhhhh.
Lefty has been fine, kind of an obnoxious reminder of what the right had been until last fall. It got angry with me last week after I pushed it way too hard in a modern class--apparently I still have a tender spot when I raise it turned in and to the side above 90 degrees. Another thing to ask Kocher about...is that spot ever going to go away? I mean, there's not a whole lot that I do that actually demands I use that position, but it'd be nice to know that it will one day be possible without having to suffer the consequences for a week afterward.
In other news, I've been getting weird twinges in my left foot. On the outside edge, about even with the highest point o my arch. idk what that is but I don't like it! I should probably get it checked out but so far it's just a random pain when I land from jumps on the left and occasionally when I'm going down stairs. I'll cross that bridge when I have to. Not right now.
Right, so, I go back to school in about a month. Work ends (thank god) this Friday. My mother is trying to get me to take next week off from class to go on vacation or a few days but I'm just starting to feel okay back in pointe shoes and I'm really not sure it'd be a good idea to stop now, even if only for a week. We'll see.
I've got to get on ordering books and should probably consider unpacking some of the crap that has taken over my room....
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Really hips, why must we play these games?
Dear hips,
You've been playing these games with me for almost four years now. My 2nd graders can't even play the same game for more than 5 minutes. Isn't it time we took a break from this? Preferably a rather long break, this is getting kind of old.
Thanks.
Righty sucks and lefty has started joining in on the fun as well. As sick as it sounds, the fact that lefty has been acting up has been a bit of a comfort--maybe it's being on my feet all day, maybe it's the sudden change in weather (though them getting bad when it's finally no longer raining doesn't make a whole lot of sense but making sense is so old skool). The right one is really starting to get bad though, to the point where I've actually started to consider taking a week or two off in the near future. I'm not entirely sure what the deal is with this BS, all I know is that I am not a fan. Seeing my good ol' buddy Kocher in about a month, maybe he'll have some fresh ideas.
You've been playing these games with me for almost four years now. My 2nd graders can't even play the same game for more than 5 minutes. Isn't it time we took a break from this? Preferably a rather long break, this is getting kind of old.
Thanks.
Righty sucks and lefty has started joining in on the fun as well. As sick as it sounds, the fact that lefty has been acting up has been a bit of a comfort--maybe it's being on my feet all day, maybe it's the sudden change in weather (though them getting bad when it's finally no longer raining doesn't make a whole lot of sense but making sense is so old skool). The right one is really starting to get bad though, to the point where I've actually started to consider taking a week or two off in the near future. I'm not entirely sure what the deal is with this BS, all I know is that I am not a fan. Seeing my good ol' buddy Kocher in about a month, maybe he'll have some fresh ideas.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Can I go back to school now? k thx
Work is sucking my soul.
2 days down, 16 days to go. Not that I'm counting or anything...
Chasing the little boogers around isn't exactly helping the situation with Righty and, for the past day or two, Lefty has joined the up to no good gang. It feels like there's just some scar tissue that's being worked through and my hamstring, IT band, and psoas have been a little irritated as well. Maybe I just slept in a crazy position. Little princess Annie is quite the bed hog.
I've been lazy as hell for the past week...I haven't taken class since Tuesday, I'm getting a little outta shape. I really need to get my act together on that front though, I can't keep this up for the rest of the summer.
2 days down, 16 days to go. Not that I'm counting or anything...
Chasing the little boogers around isn't exactly helping the situation with Righty and, for the past day or two, Lefty has joined the up to no good gang. It feels like there's just some scar tissue that's being worked through and my hamstring, IT band, and psoas have been a little irritated as well. Maybe I just slept in a crazy position. Little princess Annie is quite the bed hog.
I've been lazy as hell for the past week...I haven't taken class since Tuesday, I'm getting a little outta shape. I really need to get my act together on that front though, I can't keep this up for the rest of the summer.
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