Q: What are you being for halloween? A: Asleep, in my bed.

That's the kind of semester it's been. Two 300-level bio courses, one with a lab, plus animal phys--a 200-level course that should be a 300-level--plus comp and all the other dance classes and insane rehearsals. BAD CHOICES. Yes, it's Halloween and I'm fully anticipating getting an insane amount of sleep tonight because I haven't gotten enough in far too long.

The Jessica Lang residency was AMAZING. She's probs one of my new fav people but the whole 5 hours of rehearsal plus class every day for a week thing demolished my hips. As did my little trip down the stairs during a fire drill at 4 am. I went and saw the PT here about them, she thinks they're just horribly out of alignment thanks to the freakish hypermobility in my hips, knees, and back (and really, my body in general). No surprise there. Doesn't help them to stop pinching and grinding though.

This isn't an annual event!

Okay, so first off, Mr. Psoas has been a little grumbly over the past few days so I've been keeping a legwarmer pulled up on my right leg. No big deal, I'm like this at least 50% of the time.

Anyways, yesterday Karissa came up to me at barre and was like "so, are you having hip surgery this week?" I was very confused and was like "not that anyone has told me about?..." I thought the legwarmer was confusing her but apparently the email from last year reappeared in her inbox. haha. Umm yea...despite what it seems, this isn't an annual event! I mean, it has been but...lolz.


So, in the past few days, I've essentially sold my soul to the dance department. I got into the residency with Jessica Lang later this semester (WICKED EXCITED!!!) and also a 254 (or whatever it is these days...) piece. Woo. Now I just can't eff up my hips too much. Right, like that always goes according to plan...Oh, and Liz (aka 9 am ballet teacher) is in charge of the res stuff so I can't keep screwing up so bad in class...uhh.

One Year.

Holy shit, it's already been a year since lefty was scoped. And what a year it's been. Looking back, I don't think lefty has been anything short of perfect. Okay, maybe not perfect since it had to be scoped and all (and I'm convinced these scars aren't fading as nicely as righty's!), but pretty damn good. I'm not thrilled with the fact that it's still not as strong as righty but that's my own dumb fault for being afraid to push it too much and end up with tendonitis over there too.

Righty is strong...and that's about all that it's got going for it. Otherwise, righty sucks. It played the pinchy game on me today in ballet class and I almost had a fit. I really hate this. I'm being nice to it--warming it up well before class, trying my hardest not to crank my turnout, and icing it at night--so this is unacceptable! Granted, it has gone from hot and humid to winter in the matter of a weekend (winter being used very loosely...it's been in the high 50s in the morning and then warming up to the mid 70s) but that's no excuse for being pinchy like this!!

Umm...in other news, classes started today. At least in theory. I mean, Hiller canceled advanced genetics lab on us at 7:30 this morning (after I was already awake!!) and Animal Phys lab starts next week, so all I had today was Karissa's ballet class. And there are faculty auditions later tonight (really, why are they at 9 pm on a Tuesday?!). Tomorrow will be quite the adventure...9 to 6 solid. Also starting back riding on Thursday...I'm a little nervous since, ya know, I got on a horse for the first time in 2 years (and 2 hip surgeries!) last February and then haven't ridden since May. haha. But it should be good. AHHHH.

Apparently absurdly hot and humid is the answer?

Moved back to Baltimore on Thursday. Hauled all my crap up to the fourth floor. Started 3+ classes a day (no Liz, I haven't ditched) on Friday. Shoved an Ikea couch in Shannon's trunk and hauled it up to the fourth floor on Saturday (more about that in a bit...it was an adventure). And it's August in Baltimore. My hips have every reason to be horribly angry with me, even lefty. But they've been perfect.

Well, almost.

Lefty got a little pinchy on me on Sunday after classes and righty has been playing the "I'm going to tighten up into a knotted ball" game on me on and off. But really, every other part of my body is screaming out, this is to be expected. And it's nothing that an ice pack and/or some icyhot can't resolve. Now if only things could stay like this...


So, that ikea couch. We went and checked out a sofa bed at some sketchy warehouse store but it weighed about 8 million pounds. So that wasn't about to happen. Had we left with that one, there'd be a red polka-dotted couch chilling in the middle of Pearlstone lawn. We went with a lovely white canvas one from ikea instead. It's already got a few stains. Anyways, it was in an 88 lbs box but we figured if we had to, we could always take it up piece by piece. Thank you Ikea for "some assembly required." After the scene we caused getting it on our cart and through the checkout (I had to climb on the shelf and shimmy behind it to push it out...we couldn't pull it), it had started to downpour. Once in the parking lot, we realized that the box was about as wide as Shannon's car. Luckily a very nice man helped us to shove it in her trunk, otherwise we would have been tying it to the roof which definitely would not have ended well. Got back to school and struggled to un-wedge it from the trunk. When we finally were about to get through the door, the box broke (it was completely drenched) and couch parts spilled everywhere. Yup. It's now sitting assembled in the middle of our room, looking lovely.

*deep sigh of relief*

Alrighty, so I saw Kocher today. Mentioned the feeling of my hip slipping out of joint as well as the weird grinding/sand papery feeling that I've had this week. He more or less agreed with my logic--that there really isn't a whole heck of alot of labrum left to tear. Then he took a look at things. When he'd stress the labrum, I'd get some pinching but, compared to how things were when I last saw him, I guess I'm actually doing better. The biggest issue seems to be with my psoas and a few other smaller hip flexors (what ones exactly, I can't remember, of course haha). It even snapped no less than 10 times for him!

That was the right hip. Lefty was a rock star. I have full range of motion and absolutely no pain--some snapping in my psoas (my left psoas is, if anything, slightly tighter than the right but causes no problems...because that makes sense?) but it's totally pain free. As I said, lefty freaking rocks. I wish righty would take a lesson from lefty.

At any rate, he thinks that righty should continue to slowly improve (apparently it looked better today than it did when I last saw him, imagine that) but probably won't get to 100% until I either cut back alot on my dancing or take a good chunk of time completely off. I'm okay with that, I understand that reasoning and will give it some consideration once I feel like I could take sometime off and not suffer horrible consequences. Oh, and I gotta stop cranking my turnout. Apparently my psoas really doesn't like that. Good thing I only have Kathy for pointe next semester...

So, all in all, he's pretty happy with how things look. Yea, righty leaves some things to be desired but in all reality, it's not all that bad and it's a million times better than it was. And, with any luck, it should still get better (though with my luck, it probably won't). For now at least, I'm feeling a bit more confident. While things are far from perfect, it doesn't seem like he's expecting them to get worse. And hey, sucking up pain is all part of being a dancer, right? Haha...

Best part of it all? I don't have to see him again unless things get worse. Woohoo...!


So, for the first time ever, it all feels manageable. I think. Or at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Early arrival is probably going to kick it's ass, but I'll live. Still gotta figure out the foot situation, but at least this is under control.

Speaking of early arrival, I leave in less than a week? What now?! I still don't even know how I'm getting there. I should probs get on that...

Bitten in the ass.

So yesterday I made a little joke about this being the first time I'm not headed back down to school with crutches in tow. Today, I'm barely walking. Talk about something coming back to bit you in the ass...

Seriously, who the eff put sandpaper in my right hip? That's what it feels like. I've got grinding, grating, crunching, and popping with every movement--no matter how small. Class today, probably the worst class I've had in a long time, left me nearly in tears.

I don't know where to go from here. I just want to give up.

Dragging my heels.

And kicking and screaming and just generally reverting back to 5 year old behavior.

Because I don't want summer to be over.


Summer being over means I have to go back to school. Means I have to pack. Means I have to face the fact I haven't taken a modern class since May. And, perhaps most terrifying, means I have to see Kocher.

I. Don't. Wanna.

I don't want to hear that this is how things are going to be. I don't want to hear that another surgery might answer some questions. I don't want to hear that I need to take it a little easier. I don't want to hear that this is unusual. I don't want to hear that no one knows what things might be like 5 years down the road.

For the first time, I just want to hear that things will be okay. That things will get better. That things aren't going to get worse. I know promises like that can't be made, I know there's no crystal ball but for once, I just want a sense that everything will be okay.

This is going to be my first fall semester dancing. I just want to go into it optimistic and excited. The first year in recent memory where I'm not planning for surgery. When living on the 4th floor is only going to suck because the laundry room is in the basement, not because I'll have to haul my crippled ass up all those stairs on crutches.

But there's also whatever is going on with my foot. Stress fracture? Boots and crutches so aren't in style anymore. So far I've had no luck in getting an appointment but just the thought of anything being wrong makes me so sick that, admittedly, I haven't really been trying as hard as I probably should be. For the first time, I just want to go back to school without an injury.


It's reached the point where it's comical. I have a hard time thinking anyone would take me seriously because I'm holding back laughter just writing about it. It's the only way to keep myself from just breaking down.