you can tell from the cracks in my hips

Can't I just graduate already?

2010-09-05T14:02:00.002-04:00

To put it simply, I'm done. I want out. First week of senior year and I'm already waking up at 6 am pondering major life decisions and freaking out about all the work I have to get done. So I'm going to take this opportunity to update this thing instead.

I'm doing an independent research project in biology, ironically enough looking at the factors involved in chondrogenesis and cartilage differentiation. Maybe I can find a way to grow some for myself in a dish? I'm really excited to be doing it but right now I have this massive proposal just looming over my head. And it's really no fun at all. As soon as I think I've found something that ties the two primary factors I'm looking at together, I find some article that has already tested that link and I'm back to square one. My brain is about to explode.

Then there's the dance department. I'm taking their anatomy class this semester. Basically, I'm relearning everything everything from Animal Phys last fall but in a turned around and slightly wrong way. And every time I answer a question, I'm met with a "how did you know that?!" from the professor. So it should, in theory at least, be an easy class but it's so freaking full of busy work. I spent three hours yesterday coloring in my coloring book. SUCH A WASTE OF MY LIFE. Because coloring in cartilage cells (I just love how everything is coming together...) is really going to help me learn about them? I'm also enjoying all the talk about how the hip is such a strong joint and how they don't usually see cartilage problems until people are at least middle aged. Does that mean I'm going to kick it at 34? Because I'm pretty sure my cartilage started falling apart when I was 17... There was also a nice dig at hip issues when the professor said "if you're overweight, you'll usually run into these problems sooner." Ha. Thanks.

The dance department also apparently thinks I'm still a cripple. I can't wait to get out of here and be somewhere where NO ONE knows about my hip stuff. Because I'm getting really sick of getting looked over for casting, presumably because they still think I'm fragile and something that they need to be careful with. I promise, I'm done being broken. It's either that response, the "oh, well we're just worried because....you know, you were injured for so long" or the "well, you're too much of a ballet/modern dancer" when auditioning for a modern/ballet piece. Getting real old.

My hips honestly feel fantastic though. I'm dancing 4-6 hours everyday, Monday-Friday and feel great. We have screenings for anatomy in two weeks and I'm really curious to see if there's any obvious differences between the right and the left (other than my goofy uneven turnout) and off from "normal". Like really really curious. I'm also predicting that not only will they have a field day with that and my uneven turnout but also with my assembled-backwards knees. We shall see...

Well hello spring semester, where did you come from??

2010-03-09T19:18:00.002-05:00

So apparently it's March. That's news to me. Where did the first half of the semester go? I mean, I know the first week of it I was still mentally in London, then there was Snowtorious B.I.G., but really it's mid-semester already? Not complaining...

Things with the hips are, surprise surprise, pretty darn good. They're tolerating 4+ hours of dance daily far better than I could have hoped. Yea, they flare up from time to time and just downright feel like shit some days, but so far I haven't missed a class because of it. My right hip has also developed a CRAZY amount of turnout. My right side has always been better but it's well over 90 degrees now and controlling it all is definitely a struggle, never mind actually using it... Lefty is still golden at just shy of 90. Made Laura proclaim that she hated my fifth position because if I'm not careful, I make up what lefty lacks with righty; meaning righty is over rotated and it looks ridiculous. But what can ya do?

Right now, aside from crazy leg righty, the biggest struggle is just trying to convince the faculty that I'm not fragile--that I can be pushed just as hard as anyone else in the department, that they don't need to be careful with me. Like when I ate marley today in pointe class because my shoes are so shot that I just kind of fell out of them, the teacher immediately jumped up and was like "oh my goodness, Megan, are you okay!?" and made me promise that I was fine. By that point I had already jumped back up and was continuing on with the combination. And someone else had already toppled that class when they hit the sweet spot on the floor mid fouette and down they came--they got a simple, "You okay? good". I'm just sick of feeling like I have more to prove than everyone else--that these injuries aren't me and that they don't make me any less of a dancer than anyone else in the department.

While the hips are holding up to the schedule alright, my feet and ankles are not. They hurt. A lot. Lately they've been crazy stiff. I'm trying to take it easier--like not taking Laura's class in pointe shoes anymore but I think the sheer volume isn't treating them well. We'll see.

Also, starting to think ahead to next semester. The preliminary schedule has anatomy and ecology at the same time. Right, the two classes I absolutely HAVE to take next semester--same time. FML. Still don't know if I'm moving up in ballet or modern next semester--I feel like moving up in ballet would be really good for me, but not sure that the department will go for that for the reasons detailed earlier. And modern, I'd love to move up and feel like they probably will move me up but it'll be going back into Graham. As much as I love Graham (and I really do, no sarcasm here), I know that not having it this year is what is saving my hip flexors. And if I move up, I will need to make sure my schedule has room in it for weekly PT appointments to deal with whatever I end up doing to them. So it's a toss up.

Things are okay? Really? knocks on wood

2009-11-19T12:36:00.002-05:00

At least things with the hips. I'm almost scared to say it but they're really feeling good. Even Mr. ILikeToComplainAlot Righty. I was worried when I realized I'd be dancing everyday this semester, as in 7 days a week, but I'm so happy that things are going so well. Even with tech week and going through things on the dreadfully hard stage. I think this will be my first ever vacation during which I don't have to see Kocher. Sure beats last Thanksgiving when I flew out of B-more at the ass crack of dawn and went straight from the airport to go get Righty arthrogramed and MRI'd. I'm pretty pumped. I'm amping up the dance schedule again next semester with not only ballet 5 days/week but also modern and pointe 5 days/week. Plus whatever rehearsals there may be on weekends. I'm hoping for the best but am ready to step it down a little if need be.

We've been working on my alignment a lot. Like the fact that my knees can touch when in a wide second apparently isn't something I should be proud of. haha. But I really think that's been helping to take a lot of the extra strain off my hip flexors and hips in general. That and the lack of Graham classes this semester. Though I miss Graham, if it keeps my hips feeling good, I'm okay with it. But I might try to sneak a class in once a week next semester.

Otherwise, my life is absolutely insane. I cannot wait for this semester to be over. Three upper level bio courses, two with labs was a REALLY bad choice. No labs next semester, only one bio course, and the rest filled with dance? SOUNDS FAB TO ME. Right, and it's tech week. I'd say I'm looking forward to break but it's tech week for the 254 show when we get back, in addition to the two exams and lab report I have due that week. haha.

Q: What are you being for halloween? A: Asleep, in my bed.

2009-10-31T15:59:00.002-04:00

That's the kind of semester it's been. Two 300-level bio courses, one with a lab, plus animal phys--a 200-level course that should be a 300-level--plus comp and all the other dance classes and insane rehearsals. BAD CHOICES. Yes, it's Halloween and I'm fully anticipating getting an insane amount of sleep tonight because I haven't gotten enough in far too long.

The Jessica Lang residency was AMAZING. She's probs one of my new fav people but the whole 5 hours of rehearsal plus class every day for a week thing demolished my hips. As did my little trip down the stairs during a fire drill at 4 am. I went and saw the PT here about them, she thinks they're just horribly out of alignment thanks to the freakish hypermobility in my hips, knees, and back (and really, my body in general). No surprise there. Doesn't help them to stop pinching and grinding though.

This isn't an annual event!

2009-09-09T20:40:00.002-04:00

Okay, so first off, Mr. Psoas has been a little grumbly over the past few days so I've been keeping a legwarmer pulled up on my right leg. No big deal, I'm like this at least 50% of the time.

Anyways, yesterday Karissa came up to me at barre and was like "so, are you having hip surgery this week?" I was very confused and was like "not that anyone has told me about?..." I thought the legwarmer was confusing her but apparently the email from last year reappeared in her inbox. haha. Umm yea...despite what it seems, this isn't an annual event! I mean, it has been but...lolz.

So, in the past few days, I've essentially sold my soul to the dance department. I got into the residency with Jessica Lang later this semester (WICKED EXCITED!!!) and also a 254 (or whatever it is these days...) piece. Woo. Now I just can't eff up my hips too much. Right, like that always goes according to plan...Oh, and Liz (aka 9 am ballet teacher) is in charge of the res stuff so I can't keep screwing up so bad in class...uhh.

One Year.

2009-09-01T16:53:00.002-04:00

Holy shit, it's already been a year since lefty was scoped. And what a year it's been. Looking back, I don't think lefty has been anything short of perfect. Okay, maybe not perfect since it had to be scoped and all (and I'm convinced these scars aren't fading as nicely as righty's!), but pretty damn good. I'm not thrilled with the fact that it's still not as strong as righty but that's my own dumb fault for being afraid to push it too much and end up with tendonitis over there too.

Righty is strong...and that's about all that it's got going for it. Otherwise, righty sucks. It played the pinchy game on me today in ballet class and I almost had a fit. I really hate this. I'm being nice to it--warming it up well before class, trying my hardest not to crank my turnout, and icing it at night--so this is unacceptable! Granted, it has gone from hot and humid to winter in the matter of a weekend (winter being used very loosely...it's been in the high 50s in the morning and then warming up to the mid 70s) but that's no excuse for being pinchy like this!!

Umm...in other news, classes started today. At least in theory. I mean, Hiller canceled advanced genetics lab on us at 7:30 this morning (after I was already awake!!) and Animal Phys lab starts next week, so all I had today was Karissa's ballet class. And there are faculty auditions later tonight (really, why are they at 9 pm on a Tuesday?!). Tomorrow will be quite the adventure...9 to 6 solid. Also starting back riding on Thursday...I'm a little nervous since, ya know, I got on a horse for the first time in 2 years (and 2 hip surgeries!) last February and then haven't ridden since May. haha. But it should be good. AHHHH.

Apparently absurdly hot and humid is the answer?

2009-08-24T21:39:00.002-04:00

Moved back to Baltimore on Thursday. Hauled all my crap up to the fourth floor. Started 3+ classes a day (no Liz, I haven't ditched) on Friday. Shoved an Ikea couch in Shannon's trunk and hauled it up to the fourth floor on Saturday (more about that in a bit...it was an adventure). And it's August in Baltimore. My hips have every reason to be horribly angry with me, even lefty. But they've been perfect.

Well, almost.

Lefty got a little pinchy on me on Sunday after classes and righty has been playing the "I'm going to tighten up into a knotted ball" game on me on and off. But really, every other part of my body is screaming out, this is to be expected. And it's nothing that an ice pack and/or some icyhot can't resolve. Now if only things could stay like this...

So, that ikea couch. We went and checked out a sofa bed at some sketchy warehouse store but it weighed about 8 million pounds. So that wasn't about to happen. Had we left with that one, there'd be a red polka-dotted couch chilling in the middle of Pearlstone lawn. We went with a lovely white canvas one from ikea instead. It's already got a few stains. Anyways, it was in an 88 lbs box but we figured if we had to, we could always take it up piece by piece. Thank you Ikea for "some assembly required." After the scene we caused getting it on our cart and through the checkout (I had to climb on the shelf and shimmy behind it to push it out...we couldn't pull it), it had started to downpour. Once in the parking lot, we realized that the box was about as wide as Shannon's car. Luckily a very nice man helped us to shove it in her trunk, otherwise we would have been tying it to the roof which definitely would not have ended well. Got back to school and struggled to un-wedge it from the trunk. When we finally were about to get through the door, the box broke (it was completely drenched) and couch parts spilled everywhere. Yup. It's now sitting assembled in the middle of our room, looking lovely.

deep sigh of relief

2009-08-13T19:41:00.002-04:00

Alrighty, so I saw Kocher today. Mentioned the feeling of my hip slipping out of joint as well as the weird grinding/sand papery feeling that I've had this week. He more or less agreed with my logic--that there really isn't a whole heck of alot of labrum left to tear. Then he took a look at things. When he'd stress the labrum, I'd get some pinching but, compared to how things were when I last saw him, I guess I'm actually doing better. The biggest issue seems to be with my psoas and a few other smaller hip flexors (what ones exactly, I can't remember, of course haha). It even snapped no less than 10 times for him!

That was the right hip. Lefty was a rock star. I have full range of motion and absolutely no pain--some snapping in my psoas (my left psoas is, if anything, slightly tighter than the right but causes no problems...because that makes sense?) but it's totally pain free. As I said, lefty freaking rocks. I wish righty would take a lesson from lefty.

At any rate, he thinks that righty should continue to slowly improve (apparently it looked better today than it did when I last saw him, imagine that) but probably won't get to 100% until I either cut back alot on my dancing or take a good chunk of time completely off. I'm okay with that, I understand that reasoning and will give it some consideration once I feel like I could take sometime off and not suffer horrible consequences. Oh, and I gotta stop cranking my turnout. Apparently my psoas really doesn't like that. Good thing I only have Kathy for pointe next semester...

So, all in all, he's pretty happy with how things look. Yea, righty leaves some things to be desired but in all reality, it's not all that bad and it's a million times better than it was. And, with any luck, it should still get better (though with my luck, it probably won't). For now at least, I'm feeling a bit more confident. While things are far from perfect, it doesn't seem like he's expecting them to get worse. And hey, sucking up pain is all part of being a dancer, right? Haha...

Best part of it all? I don't have to see him again unless things get worse. Woohoo...!

So, for the first time ever, it all feels manageable. I think. Or at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Early arrival is probably going to kick it's ass, but I'll live. Still gotta figure out the foot situation, but at least this is under control.

Speaking of early arrival, I leave in less than a week? What now?! I still don't even know how I'm getting there. I should probs get on that...

Bitten in the ass.

2009-08-11T22:41:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I made a little joke about this being the first time I'm not headed back down to school with crutches in tow. Today, I'm barely walking. Talk about something coming back to bit you in the ass...

Seriously, who the eff put sandpaper in my right hip? That's what it feels like. I've got grinding, grating, crunching, and popping with every movement--no matter how small. Class today, probably the worst class I've had in a long time, left me nearly in tears.

I don't know where to go from here. I just want to give up.

Dragging my heels.

2009-08-09T16:15:00.000-04:00

And kicking and screaming and just generally reverting back to 5 year old behavior.

Because I don't want summer to be over.

Summer being over means I have to go back to school. Means I have to pack. Means I have to face the fact I haven't taken a modern class since May. And, perhaps most terrifying, means I have to see Kocher.

I. Don't. Wanna.

I don't want to hear that this is how things are going to be. I don't want to hear that another surgery might answer some questions. I don't want to hear that I need to take it a little easier. I don't want to hear that this is unusual. I don't want to hear that no one knows what things might be like 5 years down the road.

For the first time, I just want to hear that things will be okay. That things will get better. That things aren't going to get worse. I know promises like that can't be made, I know there's no crystal ball but for once, I just want a sense that everything will be okay.

This is going to be my first fall semester dancing. I just want to go into it optimistic and excited. The first year in recent memory where I'm not planning for surgery. When living on the 4th floor is only going to suck because the laundry room is in the basement, not because I'll have to haul my crippled ass up all those stairs on crutches.

But there's also whatever is going on with my foot. Stress fracture? Boots and crutches so aren't in style anymore. So far I've had no luck in getting an appointment but just the thought of anything being wrong makes me so sick that, admittedly, I haven't really been trying as hard as I probably should be. For the first time, I just want to go back to school without an injury.

It's reached the point where it's comical. I have a hard time thinking anyone would take me seriously because I'm holding back laughter just writing about it. It's the only way to keep myself from just breaking down.

FML

2009-07-29T23:03:00.000-04:00

So righty gave out on me tonight in class.

It was a chicken or the egg situation though. I was wearing the evil shoes (aka Gaynors. hate them, even more so now), they don't let me stand over my big toes like I'd prefer to do and, when I try (and do I ever try) they send of ricocheting back over my pinky toes. They also don't let me stand above the platform. Stupid flat plastic edges. DIE.

Anyways, went to releve on my right leg into a renverse. Hip and ankle give out at pretty much the same instant. Not sure if hip gave out first and then ankle did or if ankle was first due to the shoes and hip followed suit in response. Doesn't matter much, though I think the first scenario is the more terrifying one. No worries, ankle is fine. (as an aside, really, I should have sprained at least a handful of ankles by now. not once. not that I'm complaining, though it would be preferable to the hip situation)

Where do I instantly return to? Oh, just that moment when I landed from a straddle leap and felt the snap crunch pop. You know, the one that spear headed the three hip surgeries that I've already had. Yup. That's the first thought on my mind. (because I know the ankles will be fine, they're indestructible *PUNCHES wood* (none of this knocking bs)).

Where am I now? Trying to go to sleep but instead, freaking out and jumping off the deep end. Finding consolation in the fact that I don't think there's really any labrum left for me to tear, as pathetic as that is.

And the irony? Early on at barre, Mary was getting on us about our tendency to kind of forget about our back foot when in fifth position (if I can't see it, as far as I'm concerned, I might as well only have one leg. that's why I look at my feet all the time sillies! ha...). Comment was something along the lines of "TURN IT OUT! but do try not to destroy your knees or hips in the process" and myself, being one to find the humor in such a comment, mumbles "opps! too late for that!" and I proceed to crank my turnout just the way Kathy likes it (thank god I've got tons of rotation in my knees) and the way Laura would always yell about. Right.

FML.

Ugh. Why does my body seem stuck in this perpetual suck-fest?

2009-07-26T10:27:00.000-04:00

(disclaimer: I believe there is something stuck under my "f" key...it's really sticky. so there might be a missing f here or there)

Righty is so angry and tendonitis-y at the moment. Like really, what gives. I see Kocher in a few weeks, I might bring up the topic of attempting a cortisone injection again but since the last did next to nothing, I'm not sure it's worth while. The last also left me in complete agony for about a week and I've got auditions starting August 21st...I see Kocher on the 13th, so that doesn't give me much room to mess around with scheduling and getting things back under control (I know he'd be able to get me in, he got me in for the last one a matter o days later). Ughhhhh.

Lefty has been fine, kind of an obnoxious reminder of what the right had been until last fall. It got angry with me last week after I pushed it way too hard in a modern class--apparently I still have a tender spot when I raise it turned in and to the side above 90 degrees. Another thing to ask Kocher about...is that spot ever going to go away? I mean, there's not a whole lot that I do that actually demands I use that position, but it'd be nice to know that it will one day be possible without having to suffer the consequences for a week afterward.

In other news, I've been getting weird twinges in my left foot. On the outside edge, about even with the highest point o my arch. idk what that is but I don't like it! I should probably get it checked out but so far it's just a random pain when I land from jumps on the left and occasionally when I'm going down stairs. I'll cross that bridge when I have to. Not right now.

Right, so, I go back to school in about a month. Work ends (thank god) this Friday. My mother is trying to get me to take next week off from class to go on vacation or a few days but I'm just starting to feel okay back in pointe shoes and I'm really not sure it'd be a good idea to stop now, even if only for a week. We'll see.

I've got to get on ordering books and should probably consider unpacking some of the crap that has taken over my room....

Really hips, why must we play these games?

2009-07-15T22:23:00.000-04:00

Dear hips,
You've been playing these games with me for almost four years now. My 2nd graders can't even play the same game for more than 5 minutes. Isn't it time we took a break from this? Preferably a rather long break, this is getting kind of old.
Thanks.

Righty sucks and lefty has started joining in on the fun as well. As sick as it sounds, the fact that lefty has been acting up has been a bit of a comfort--maybe it's being on my feet all day, maybe it's the sudden change in weather (though them getting bad when it's finally no longer raining doesn't make a whole lot of sense but making sense is so old skool). The right one is really starting to get bad though, to the point where I've actually started to consider taking a week or two off in the near future. I'm not entirely sure what the deal is with this BS, all I know is that I am not a fan. Seeing my good ol' buddy Kocher in about a month, maybe he'll have some fresh ideas.

Can I go back to school now? k thx

2009-07-05T20:25:00.000-04:00

Work is sucking my soul.

2 days down, 16 days to go. Not that I'm counting or anything...
Chasing the little boogers around isn't exactly helping the situation with Righty and, for the past day or two, Lefty has joined the up to no good gang. It feels like there's just some scar tissue that's being worked through and my hamstring, IT band, and psoas have been a little irritated as well. Maybe I just slept in a crazy position. Little princess Annie is quite the bed hog.

I've been lazy as hell for the past week...I haven't taken class since Tuesday, I'm getting a little outta shape. I really need to get my act together on that front though, I can't keep this up for the rest of the summer.

Hello Summer!

2009-06-26T21:49:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that it's actually been sunny and warm for the past two days! After the nasty rain and cold that consumed nearly the entire month of June, it was quite the welcome change. Just wish it wasn't so humid, though this is no match for Baltimore humidity--I don't quite feel like I'm underwater.

Right hip has been angry for about two weeks now. Really annoyed by that. It's my psoas that's being a brat, like it always is. The humidity really isn't helping matters with it right now either. Part of me feels like it'd probably be worth trying to see Kocher a bit sooner than mid-August (as much as I really don't want to); part of me feels like he's just going to tell me the same thing he told me back in March--that it's probably not going to get better and there's not much that can be done about it. Took it easy dance-wise (or really just ballet wise considering I have yet to take a modern class this summer...should probably get on that since they've finally moved me up and all) this week, partially hoping that that'd help the situation (but really because I slept through class Tuesday morning, forgot about class Tuesday night, and was exhausted Wednesday so opted out of class). It didn't really. Every so often I get that stupid pinching feeling that sends labral tear alarm bells ringing off in my head--happened Tuesday night, so I worked myself up and couldn't sleep, hence why I was exhausted on Wednesday. Logically, I know that's unlikely because 1) I'm not there's a whole lot of labrum left to tear, 2) all looked well on the last MRI, and 3) I have internal rotation, not a heck of a lot but some.

Left hip freaking rocks. Noticed in class on Monday and then again in class last night that it's wicked weak but I can work on that. It's really not cool when you have a combination that asks you to hold a grand battement in second and your leg drops a good 2o+ degrees. Yea...

Spent today at the hospital with my mom (no worries, she's fine...it was just pay back for making her wait around for me with three hip surgeries. Lahey is so not a fun hospital to hang around at. She totally got it good hanging out at Children's.), having training all day Sat and Sun, start work on Wednesday and then work Mon-Thurs for the month of July. And then summer is nearly over. Eeek.

Well this is new to me...

2009-05-31T14:07:00.000-04:00

It's the first summer in three years where I'm not anticipating a hip surgery in the fall. So I actually have to stay in shape and take classes, what?! I see Kocher sometime in August and I'm hoping it'll be my last time in there. They're wonderful and all, it's just not exactly my favorite place to have to visit every time I'm home.

Things are really pretty awesome. They got a little angry when I was moving out, something about hauling all my shit down from the 4th floor and over to the car didn't really agree with them. Then the right one has gotten a little tendonitis-y on and off but I couldn't be happier with how things are right now. A couple months ago I was convinced I'd be having surgery again and here I am. So WOOHOO! I'm pretty pumped.

Grades came out and I did pretty damn awesome. A's in genetics, genetics lab, ballet (!!), and dance comp; B in orgo. Next semester will be fun (not). Double ballet, modern, comp, pointe (for credit w/Kathy. fml), and then animal phys w/lab, advanced genetics, advanced genetics lab, and plant phys seminar. Oh, and a riding lesson and my pre-departure class for London. Actually, I'm pretty excited for all of it aside from pointe and seminar. It'll just be class for 8:30 or 9 until 6:30 everday. BUT for the first time ever, I'll have lunch on MWF. I just won't really have dinner, ever. But that's okay b/c I have LUNCH.

Another week.

2009-04-19T19:42:00.000-04:00

So it's Sunday night. Staring down the home stretch--three weeks left until I get the heck out of here. The next few weeks are jam packed--paper for dance comp, orgo test, genetics test, lab paper for genetics, final project for dance comp, 254 performance, 256 showing, paper for ballet. This week shouldn't be too bad, it's the week after that will be killer.

I also need to suck it up and call Kocher's office. I don't want to, I'm terrified really, but I need to do it or at least stop pretending that things are going to change.

The weather has left righty in a much better state than it was in for the past several weeks. I'm hoping it will stay this way but I'm also not all that optimistic. I know better than that. And after all the catching, locking, snapping, and grinding that had been going on, I really can't kid myself. I just need to get through the end of the semester. Then I can take a little bit of time off, let my body get fat and happy, and then spend the rest of the summer getting back into shape.

Things keep moving forward.

2009-04-11T14:17:00.000-04:00

I've just realized that I'm 7 months out from my left hip scope. I can't believe it's already been that long. It was around this time last year that I was dealing with the arthrogram(s) and then the PT and starting to begin the process of planning for that surgery. It feels closer to perfect than I ever thought possible and it keeps surprising me--it's still improving.

Of course, being 7 months out from the left hip means I'm a year and a half out from the last one on the right...and that it's been 7 months since it flared up again. The longer it goes, the less faith I have that it'll ever get better. This week was another bad week--it locked on me on several occasions, including a few when I wasn't really doing anything (i.e. not in dance class). I don't know what to make of it--I have that sinking feeling that there's something way more wrong with it than just some inflammation but at the same time, I don't think there's anything more I could put myself through.

I don't know where to go from here. I think Kocher wanted this week to be my last of PT which, to a degree is a big relief because it's one less thing I have to do. It's also scary because I haven't gotten anywhere--things are what they were.

The last time I saw Kocher, one of his fellows raised an interesting question--would I have gone through all of this if I knew that this was going to be the outcome. And I think I would have, particularly given the stage of my life that I was in at the time when it started. Am I thrilled with the outcome? No but I don't regret deciding to go for it. I needed to do it--the other option was to just live with the pain, effectively ending my hopes for a dance career 3 years sooner.

That's where I am right now. I've stopped kidding myself--I've given up that dream. I've seen it coming for quite some time now, that of course not making at any easier to accept. For the time being, I'm going to keep dancing--I have to, it's who I am. I want to try and finish up the major because, if nothing else, it will prove to me that I could have done it. It's been a long road and I haven't reached the end yet. I'm still waiting to see where it takes me.

FML

2009-04-04T12:13:00.000-04:00

I can just see it now "I'm 20 years old and I've had hip surgery 3 times. They thought I was getting better but now no one really knows what could be going on....FML"

Yea...Righty has been sucking BIG TIME for about a week. Why, I have no idea. It was "Shark Week" in modern class (aka Graham week aka hip death week) which would explain why my hip flexors are angry but not why my right hip has started catching again! Lefty is a bit sore too but it's all just muscular stuff and not all that alarming to me.

I haven't taken a full ballet class in a week. I haven't even really taken a full barre in a week. I've taken two of four modern classes--and didn't jump in either one. It's the take offs and landings that kill me. That's when it tends to catch and briefly lock. Getting up from rolls is also killer. FML.

I'm currently in the process of scheduling for next semester and I have no idea what to do about it. I don't know if I'll be dancing in the fall and I'm really sick of having to juggle things around at the last possible moment. Really, I'd just like to go ONE SEMESTER without having a change of plans due to the hips. My bio adviser expressed concern at the number of classes I'm planning to take, in part in hopes of not having to add anything in the event that I'm not dancing. He managed to talk me down from 4 bio courses (3 three-hundred level...one seminar, and two with labs...) to only 3 but was still scared that I had to use 2 registration forms to fit it all. Wanted me to drop a few of the dance classes but I explained to him that the dance department is worried that I won't have enough credits in the major since I'm essentially trying to complete it in 3 years--his response to that: "But that's absurd! You haven't had functioning legs!!" Yup, I've realized. So it looks like it will be:

MWF
9:00-10:20 Ballet
10:30-11:20 Animal Physiology
12:30-1:20 Advanced Genetics
1:30-2:30 Pointe (WF only)
3:00-4:20 Modern
4:30-6:00 Dance composition (MW only)

Tu
8:30-11:30 Advanced Genetics lab
12:00-1:20 Ballet
1:30-4:30 Animal phys lab

Th
9:00-11:30 Plant Physiology/Biotech seminar
12:00-1:20 Ballet
1:30-2:30 Riding

Assuming of course I don't spend the fall semester on crutches as has become commonplace in my life.

Right now, it feels so much like another labral tear. It'd be helpful if I wasn't in class/work/rehearsal/PT until after 5 everyday so that, you know, I could give Kocher's office a ringy-dingy. Really, I want to know whats up! When I last saw him, he was pretty confident there wasn't any impingement or another tear. We decided way back before the last surgery on the right that I did have a little bit of dysplasia/retroversion but not enough to justify treating. So far, that hasn't been a topic of conversation again.

Did I make it?

2009-03-15T20:04:00.000-04:00

Yippee, it's spring break! I'm a little shocked I'm still alive. Between the 252 paper, genetics test, orgo test, genetics paper, orgo paper and countless 252 studies (and redos!) I wasn't planning on making it to spring break! Still not entirely sure how I did...lots and lots of coffee?

Seeing Kocher tomorrow. Because, really, what would break be if I didn't see him at least once? haha... PT is thinking that he'll be happy that I've made at least some progress but probably not so happy that things still aren't really all that much better. I can't say I'm entirely thrilled myself. Nor is Kathi, who I think would want to kill me if she could figure out who this "Megan H." character actually was...

Lefty is (still) doing fab. Balance is finally coming back and I'm getting a little bit more control over my turnout. Extensions are slowly climbing back up there. I can whack it up there in grand battements and such but holding it anywhere over 90 just doesn't work out so well. But it'll get there...eventually.

Righty is continuing to not get much better or much worse. It's a shit ton stronger than it was prior to starting up the latest round of PT but it's still not exactly a happy camper, especially when it hasn't been worked on within the past two or three days...like right now. We'll see what Kocher has to say about it tomorrow...

It's February.

2009-02-21T18:12:00.000-05:00

Almost March, actually.

I was thinking about it and realized that Mr. Lefty will be 6 months post-surgery in about a week. Wow. Time flies. I've been dancing again for almost 3 months now, the same amount of time I was out for. So I've got no more excuses--I should be just about back to where I was. I feel like I am--I'm not hesitating anymore, I'm attacking things again, I finally got falling out of my system (in the ballet res auditions of course but at least it's out of my system now...), and I'm feeling good. The only thing I'm still struggling with really is holding my turnout and getting my extensions back up there--it was a good 6 months before surgery though that nothing was going higher than degage and it's only with this surgery that I have close to 90 degrees of rotation on the left, so I'm sure it will come with time. That and my balance on the left...we were doing partnered pirrouettes the other day in pointe class and I couldn't turn right because my balance was such a mess on the left leg, so I had to be a lefty turner. It better come with time.

It really feels close to 100%, as close to 100% as I think it ever will and ever could be. I sometimes forget that I ever even had that surgery. Then I see the scars and I remember or just get really confused for a second before remembering, and then I just feel like an idiot.

Mr. Righty is still far from fantastic. I see Kocher in a couple of weeks, hoping he'll have some idea of where to go next. I've been in PT again for a few weeks now and, while they've yet to give up on me, I'm about to give up on myself. I've been dealing with this for too long. My psoas is still angry as all hell and the cortisone shot didn't help that. It got rid of the nasty pinching feeling inside the joint but my psoas is still not a happy camper. PT has tried stretching it but, when you're so flexible already, it's hard to stretch things. We've tried strengthening it but anything that really works it causes it to catch and snap and get really sore. They've tried taping it which helps but only until the tape falls off. I don't know, I'm kind of ready to just give up on it for the time being. It doesn't bother me too much once I get warm in class, it's after class that I really pay for it and for the first few exercises at the barre that I really hate it. I'm also still scared to land on it, because it feels so similar to how it did. But I can deal with it and it's not getting any worse. We'll see how long I can put up with this.

Right, and about that

2009-01-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

So it's the end of January. Back at school for about 24 hours, classes starting tomorrow. If this semester doesn't kill me, I'm not really sure what will.

MWF we've got genetics (on Monday it's twice!), orgo, ballet, riding, and pointe class. 9:30-2:30, 'cept for Monday when I've got genetics from 3:30-4:20 too. TuTh we've got dance comp, modern (115 AND 116!), and either orgo or genetics lab 8:30-4:30 solid. Fun stuff. But by some crazy twist of fate, it's only 15 credits. Yea. Not cool.

On Friday, my right hip had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of a cortisone injection. 7th time I've had a large needle of some sort or another placed into my hip joint. 5th time for righty. Right, and I've had three surgeries too. WTF. Kocher had planned to knock me out for it "because people usually find it really painful, especially when he's doing both the joint and the psoas" but I talked him out of it. He agreed that if I'd had 5 arthrograms and a previous steriod injection and wasn't begging to be knocked out for this one, I'd do just fine. Pretty much called me a bamf after the fact. I believe his exact phrasing was "What do you do...eat NAILS for breakfast?! You didn't even flinch!" Yup, that's right, nails for breakfast and tacks for snacks. No, not really, my standards for pain have just changed alot over the past few years. And lidocaine is freaking AMAZING.

Umm...so. Waiting for that to start kicking in. Feeling considerably less gimpy today than I did the past few days though so hopefully it'll be good to go by tomorrow. Would also appreciate it if his signature would scrub off my leg. I'm not entirely sure it was necessary to sign it at all, considering I was awake and could have just been like "yo, wrong leg" (though I'm sure lefty wouldn't have complained). I'm even less sure that it was necessary to sign it with a freaking permanent pen. I don't seem to remember it taking this long to scrub off after surgeries. It's totally going to show through my tights if I can't get it to scrub off by Wednesday. haha. That'll be a good thing to try and explain. I legit exfoliated my thigh this morning in the shower with all sorts of face wash...and it didn't really go much of anywhere. Whatevs.

Have to haul my (seemingly perpetually crippled) ass to PT again starting in two weeks. I guess I was supposed to start next week, didn't get that memo until after the fact so what can ya do. I'm too embarassed to go back to the place I was at because I was all "oh, I'm done with that now" before break and, well, obvi, I'm not. I probs could have gotten an appointment there, but, for the reasons discussed earlier, that's not going to happen. So I'm going some place down the street. And i'll be hauling ass there after classes. Fun. My favorite pasttime. Right. lolz.

Took class like mad crazy over break. Trying to get myself into shape. I'm not convinced. Mary seems to think I'm looking better but she's also the sweetest thing in the world. Auditions are in like 2 weeks, idk. Need to get in shape again ASAP. I've been saying that for quite some time. Can't believe it's already been 5 months since surgery. I've still got a long way to go.

I'm a flakesauce.

2008-12-13T23:05:00.000-05:00

My reasons:
1. I never update this thing.
2. I keep having schools send me transfer info but I'm way too lazy to think about filling anything out.
3. I'm riding next semester instead of taking pointe class regularly.

So I saw Kocher way back on December 1st and he turned me loose. Basically, Hinton is a crackpot. My MRI was spotless; I just have an inflamed iliopsoas and he's got me popping enough ibuprofen in the hopes of calming it down that I can feel my liver crying. But I'm done with that tomorrow (?...again, I'm a flakesauce). I think its helping but I can definitely tell when it's wearing off.

But I'm dancing again. It feels awesome. I haven't been able to go through passe on both legs for three freaking years! It's so bizarre! And not having to remember to be careful about either one--I can finally remember combinations again! Well...sort of; my memory is shot from the time off. Righty gets a little angry when I push the develope a la second and devant too much (but we're talking when I'm pushing for things decently over 90, in the past I couldn't go past 45); lefty I can feel ramming into scar tissue when I push the turnout too much--but I can tell it's all temporary; I'm finally going to GET BETTER. I have to get my ass back into shape though. Dance major review is in early Feb and apparently I may be in danger. I guess they finally realized that, though next semester will be my 4th here, it will only be my second dancing. And apparently that's not cool for a dance major.

The other exciting news is that I'm riding next semester. I know that I quit in a rather irrational and rash decision so it only seems right that my decision to start again would be equally irrational and rash. Since Kocher was cool with it, I figured what the heck and set up an evaluation ride and all that fun stuff. None of the lesson times really fit in my schedule but I figured it didn't hurt to see. And the head instructor was really nice. So I decided that having pointe three times a week is rather unnecessary and it wouldn't hurt to just take it as an audit so I could ride instead. Yea...Again, flakesauce.

Finals suck.

The end.

Are we for cereal?

2008-11-08T20:42:00.000-05:00

I saw Dr. Hinton on Tuesday.

Surprise surprise, he wants to schedule a cortisone injection before I go home for Thanksgiving and see Kocher. I don't have time for that right now--I have 2 lab papers, 5 exams, and 2 quizzes before Thanksgiving in addition to having to declare a major and register for courses. I don't have time to haul my crippled ass into downtown Baltimore, wait around for a bit, and then have the injection. I just don't have time for that kind of shit. AND I kind of want to see Kocher first, or at least hear from him (spoke with his PA on Wednesday night...still waiting to hear back) before I do this. I expressed this concern to Hinton who feels like we might as well just do it now but, yeah, not going to happen.

The highlight of my visit, aside from the fact that his office was running an hour and a half late (to which everyone in the waiting room was freaking out about; clearly they've never experienced Children's!! I'm psyched if I get out of there in any less than 3 hours!) and I had to sprint both to the bus from Orgo lab and then from the bus to get to music, was when he dropped the "open surgery" bomb on me. I was like "WHAT?! are you freaking serious?!" In his funny little Southern-but-not-quite accent he explained to me the whole procedure and how they'd be able to clean out any bone spurs and/or residual impingement. No freaking way. No matter how you slice it (no pun intended), I'm not planning for another surgery at this point--scope or open! And there's no way in hell that I'd have it done in Baltimore. Not going to happen. So I'm waiting to hear back from Kocher and seeing what he wants me to do.

And, since misery loves company, Mr. Lefty has been complaining lately too. I think it's probably because we backed off of it in PT a bit. It's definitely tendonitis-y feeling though, nothing horrbily alarming or really all that unexpected--Righty pulled this same BS last year at about the same point.

I've got quite the marathon sprint to Thanksgiving ahead of me though. I'm really hating this semester in terms of course load. Next semester should be nice though--I'm only going to be taking 15 credits (and only 1 audit!!) as opposed to the 18 I've had for the past two (and last spring it was 18 + 3 audits!); just orgo, genetics, and a bunch of dance.

Introducing Annie! and other things....

2008-11-02T18:23:00.000-05:00

My 8 year old puppy Willy died two weeks ago. Given that my family copes with the loss of a pet by getting a new one, we've just adopted Annie--a 6 month old little girl. She arrived yesterday, all the way from Indiana!! I wanted to go home but, with $14.46 in my bank account, I couldn't even afford the China bus. Anyways, here she is!

So of course I had to go to Petco today to get her a new girly collar, some fun toys, and some toys for Abby so that she doesn't feel totally neglected. I'm spoiling her rotten before we even meet!

Since we were already at Petco, we also popped into Target for some clearance Halloween candy....Jess and I each walked out with $10 worth. So basically we've got $40 worth of Halloween candy in our room right now. This is bad. I'm dancing again in less than a month. I have to wear a leotard in less than a month. Not going to be a pretty sight...

Tuesday will be 9 weeks out from surgery, 4 to go until I see Kocher. Tuesday is also the day I go back to see Dr. Hinton down here to further discuss the fate for my right hip--the steroids didn't work. I don't even know what I want to hear. I know that whatever it is, it can't be good. The lesser of all the evils at this point is probably that I've managed to give myself a really nice case of psoas tendonitis/bursitis--though that doesn't really explain the pinching and the catching that's been going on. So it's more likely that it's another labral tear--bad news bears. Needless to say, I'm freaking out.

So, about that...

2008-10-25T17:54:00.000-04:00

As we can tell, I tend to forget about this thing. But in times like these where my procrastinating tendencies prevail (lab paper for cells, orgo take home, and french compositions oh my!), we can see where my priorities fall...

I had the surgery. Eight weeks ago on Tuesday. Mr. Lefty is doing really crazily well--if the scars weren't so red and lovely, I'd tell you it couldn't have ever happened. The biggest perk is that I gained about 10 degrees of turnout this time around which means that for the first time EVER I'll have an even first position. That is if I can ever figure out how to actually use those last 10 degrees...it's the only spot that I'm rather laughably weak in at the moment.

Righty isn't doing so hot. Actually, Righty is doing alot like Lefty was at this time last year. As in they think I have a labral tear. They being Kocher, guy Kocher sent me to in Baltimore, and multiple PTs. In case anyone is keeping score, that'd be 3 tears for the right and 1 for the left. Hinton, the guy Kocher sent me to, put me on a kickass dose of Naproxen for 10 days which did pretty much nothing. So he then stuck me on a Medrol dose pack--aka steriods--for 6 days. I'm at the end of day 5 and, big surprise, nada. I think this means I get a cortisone injection which I'm kind of not sure I'm cool with.

I'm 4ish weeks away from my next visit with Kocher, the one at which he'll hopefully turn me loose to head back to ballet. With Righty the way it is though, I'm not sure how cool he'll be with that or really want the plan is at this point. Hinton says an MRI will be pretty darn useless since it's already had 2 surgeries and I've pretty adamently declared that I'm in no hurry to have a 4th hip surgery before my 21st birthday, particularly one on Mr. Righty. I guess will just have to see how the cortisone works? At any rate, I've already scheduled my flight back a day later so I can go to ballet class that night. I'm a bamf, can't you tell?

My post-surgery spot on the couch is already warm

2008-08-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

You'd really think that, with all the time I've spent on the couch in the past week that I'd have had the surgery already. But you'd be wrong. I'm still waiting.

Almost 3 weeks ago, one of our kitties got hit by a car and was killed. After spending a couple of days trying to find a new cuddle buddy in our other cat and finding myself just getting beaten up, I decided to get a kitten. So two weeks ago tomorrow, I adopted little Abby. Not even a week after getting her, she had to have surgery to remove an assortment of things from her belly--apparently she's part lab. While she's recuperating, she's not allowed out of the play pen we've got set up for her...except she's a little attention whore and hates being alone (she's currently asleep on my belly) so someone has to be with her at all times. Dad is at work, Brother #1 is away, and Mom and Brother #2 are on vacation. That leaves me to have Abby duty all day. We're bffls now. Thank God for Netflix and wireless internet.

Still next in line on the surgery list. ahewamnfajsdbchwe. I'm supposed to go back to school in 3 weeks and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm currently still enrolled in 10.5 credits worth of dance classes and I know that's not going to work out so well. Whateva, Whateva I'll do what I want. But it's looking more and more like I'll be using that Sept. 2nd scope date and missing the first week of classes. But I run with 12 gangs and we only commit hate crimes so, whateva, whateva, I'll do what I want.

South Park Cartman On The Maury Show | Funny Jokes at JibJab

I think I managed to make whatever tear I've got a bit bigger last night in class. Either that or I managed to just really jam the impingement into what tear was already there. I felt the all too familiar grabbing pinch in the joint when I landed from a saut de chat. My weight was too far forward in an attempt to get my back leg up and land quietly--forgetting of course that I would be landing on my left leg. But hey, at least I landed quietly despite the cow bells of pointe shoes I was wearing last night. Same feeling from the spring when I landed really hard on my knee on my way down sliding to the floor out of a tour en l'air for my modern practicum. And the same feeling (though not nearly as bad) as when I first screwed up my right hip--coming out of a tombe coupe jete when my body kept turning but my legs didn't and SNAP.

Next in line

2008-07-18T18:01:00.000-04:00

After rather persistent bothering of Dr. Kocher's surgical coordinator, I've learned that I'm next in line for a hip scope and that "he has a ton of hips on his schedule". Not entirely sure what that means, but I'm assuming it means I've got decent odds at getting in for my surprise surgery soon. I started out, on July 7th, as #4 on his waiting list for a 1.5 hour time slot in the OR. I'm not entirely sure if that means I was also #4 for a hip scope or what. At any rate, my fingers are crossed.

I've been barely sleeping at night this past week--the hip has taken a sharp turn for the worse. Until this week, I was doing grand plies and grand allegro anyways, just because they didn't make things too much worse. Well, I quit the grand plies this week and only did grand allegro once. What I hate more than anything is having to sit out grand allegro--definitely one of my favorite parts of class just because I can really move and eat up the space. Something just always feels so good and dancey about it. I can't wait until I don't have to think twice about doing a combination again--until the day that I don't have to wonder about how much worse doing something is going to make my hips hurt.

I did take class on Tuesday, with Emily, the teacher I hadn't seen in years. It ended up being a pretty easy class and, at only an hour and a half long, it felt like nothing compared to Mary's 4+ hour classes. Don't get me wrong, I love Mary's classes so much and this class only made me appreciate how much her classes have helped me to grow, but there's something to be said about not having to think about the combination before doing it and feeling comfortable enough with the movement to just totally throw yourself into it and DANCE. But oh, class on Wednesday was down right dreadful. I haven't had such an off class since the modern class during the dance major review in February (and that time I at least had an excuse, though it couldn't have been at a worse time to have a HORRIBLE class--it was my 3rd modern class after four months off...haha, good one).

Oh yes, and good old Mr. Psoas Tendonitis is paying the right hip a visit. He's quite the unwelcome guest. I'm sure it's all compensation related--another reason why I can't wait for all this to be over!

On the subject of pet peeves and other things

2008-07-13T21:58:00.000-04:00

Things that bother me, and why:
1. Small yappy dogs. Not sure why but I've never really been a fan. Cute when they belong to someone else but not when they're yours.

2. Small cars. This is a new dislike of mine--I finally put my finger on it today whilst spending 8 hours in a rental car to bring my littlest brother to camp. For one, I like to ride with my feet up on the dashboard--lets me stretch out my legs--in a small car, this is rather uncomfortable as the windshield is far too close and the dashboard far too high in comparison to the seat. Yes, I'm dancer and am quite flexible but it kind of defeats the purpose of being able to stretch out your legs when your knees are nearing your nose. Additionally, I've found that my feet just love to get tangled among themselves whilst trying to get out of the very low to the ground seat. I nearly killed myself in parking lots trying to get out of the car several times today. And, with my grandma hips and being at least 5'9'', I appreciate the extra leg room that a minivan or other similarly unfortunate vehicle affords.

3. Gel deodorant. I mean really? Am I supposed to wait until it dries before I put my shirt on? If you don't, isn't that like having pre-sweaty pits?

4. Non-jersey sheets. As an active sleeper, I need the extra friction. Not only does it help stop my sheets from tying themselves into knots, it also helps keep me in bed.

Anyways...spent today driving out to Western MA and back to leave the littlest bro at camp (littler bro is already there working). So I'm an only child for two weeks! woohoo!? I definitely plan on taking full advantage and livin' it up. I've already switched up the Netflix big time! And I had the whole weekend off from work--and no phonecalls at 6am asking if I could come in, it has been pretty nice. But I will be getting a nice big fat paycheck come Friday...that'll be nice.

Back to the grind (no pun intended...) tomorrow. Just working 3-6 though. Almost not worth the gas it'll take to get there--that only gets me $24+tips but -taxes. Definitely the sucky part about working a lame minimum wage job. Oh how I miss the sweetness of my job last summer! Then ballet class from 6:30-10 or so, assuming the hip will cooperate that long. Also planning on giving Kocher's office a ringy-dingy tomorrow to see if I've moved at all on the waiting list. I JUST WANT SURGERY DATE DARN IT!! The night before the surg, I'm totally planning on doing everything I'm not supposed to...like grand plies, grand battements, things over 45 degrees, passe/retire, using full turnout, and doing a full grand allegro--i'm such a bamf. haha. Considering I'm still struggling on remember which is my good leg and which is my bad (it's a challenge considering that right was bad for the past two years but now it's dear old lefty), I probably already do at least half those things without even realizing it until I get the dreaded pinch of death. I swear there's gotta be a leprechaun in there with a little dagger just stabbing me...f-ing leprechauns...

Really excited for Tuesday though--planning on taking class with a teacher I haven't seen in over 3 years. She hasn't seen me since the week before I injured myself. I can't believe it's been that long!

So, let's check in...

2008-07-12T16:11:00.000-04:00

It's now July, I last updated this puppy back in March. As we can see, I'm pretty on top of things...NOT!

I'm currently in the process of re-crafting my schedule for the fall. What I thought was going to be an ideal schedule of lots of dance classes + cell bio + organic chem has been foiled by a hip surgery. That seems to be the trend with alot of my plans--a hip surgery always gets thrown into the mix and then the plans don't work out so well anymore! So now I'm dealing with a bit of a scheduling nightmare.

So yea, about that hip surgery. After two MRIs, one failed arthrogram (and one successful arthrogram...nothing like a big-ass needle being dug around in your hip on two separate occasions within two weeks of each other to make you just love life!), and two months of 3x weekly PT at 8 in the morning, I saw Dr. Kocher who agreed with everyone else (me, my PTs, the resident that was in the room, and my ballet teachers)--as a dancer, I need the surgery done if I ever want to get back the hope of having any sort of career in dance. He said that were I a "normal person," he'd probably want to wait on the surgery a bit longer and see if more PT might bring about more success. So here we go--hip surgery round 3!!! It's at this point that I feel the need to point out (again) that I'm only 19--I'm nobody's grandma.

At any rate, surgery's scheduled for September 2nd. Absolutely fabulous timing--I'm supposed to move back to Baltimore on the 1st. haha. I'm on his waiting list and, as of last Monday, I was #4--they're promising me that I'll get in before I have to go back to school. We shall see. It's kind of like flying standby--you know it'll happen, you just don't know when. So I'm calling it my "Surprise! You're having surgery!" hip surgery. Nothing like finding out a day or two beforehand that your going to be on crutches for a month and cripple for 3. It's kind of just my style though; I love flying by the seat of my pants!

My current place of employment (Dunkin Donuts...don't wanna talk about it) of course, knows nothing. They can't fire me about it, but they sure as hell can cut back my hours since I could find out at any moment that I'm having surgery tomorrow and then won't be able to work. Personally, this is a total plus to having surgery the surprise style--the stress of having to give two weeks notice is totally out the window! And I get to quit my job earlier than I intended! woohoo! The job is not without it's perks though--the free coffee is quit nice. As is the little promotion they've got going on right now--the one where you peel the stickers off the cups and win shit. Yea. It's nice, but it ain't gonna be missed!

I'm going to try and make a bit more of an effort to update this thing. Chronicling my life leading up to and following my third hipscope and the never ending thrills of college life. haha.

I guess you can just call me grandma...

2008-03-21T14:00:00.001-04:00

Saw the doc yesterday for my 5 month check on the dear old right hip. He said it shouldn't be feeling as good as it does which is absolutely fantastic--apparently people usually still have issues just leading "normal" lives until they're at least 6 months out, and I'm dancing on it now without a problem. Woohoo! Other fantastic (this time used in the sarcastic sense) news from the visit includes that I probably have a labral tear chillaxin' over in the left hip which explains why its been all lovely and crunchy lately. I have the pleasure of getting that MRI'ed and injected in two weeks...April 4th...at 8:30 in the morning! great fun! especially because I get to brave the MTA Maryland system out to suburbian hell again. I thought I was done doing that when I quit going to PT...hmmm. Nobody would feel like driving me to Pikesville then, would they? I'd bake you cookies....

Seriously...

2008-03-10T10:42:00.000-04:00

Right now, we're 3 for 3 in terms on fire alarms. Had one this morning at 8am--went off right as I stepped out of the shower. Part of me was really hoping that it was just a really loud alarm clock. It wasn't. Some asshat probably was on their way out and pulled the thing. Seriously, we're college students and I'm highly doubtful that you were drunk at 8am on a Monday morning--grow the fuck up. So I arrived at my 8:30 class highly disheveled and with frozen hair. Just the way I like to start off my week... at least all dance classes were canceled today because there are scholarship auditions for incoming freshmen--means I'm done for the day as of 10:30 this morning. Just have to go to work this afternoon. Playing with 1st graders; a good time is bound to ensue.

Oh yes, and it's still a winter wonderland out in my hallway....

I wish I could make this stuff up

2008-03-09T17:52:00.000-04:00

The events of this weekend have directly influenced the creation of this blog. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. My roommate and I decided we should write a novel...I suppose a blog is a close second.

I should probably preface all of this with a bit of an introduction. I'm a freshman in college, studying dance and biology with a pre-med concentration. Originally from Boston, now in school in Baltimore. All this dorm stuff is old hat to me, I went away to boarding school when I was 14. Not really sure where "home" is any more. I've had hip surgery twice over the past two years, a third may or may not be on the horizon for this summer. We'll focus on one oddity a week for now--this week's will be the hip surgery, next week perhaps the boarding school thing, and the following my choice of majors. Or maybe not.

Yes, I'm fully aware that most 19 year olds haven't had multiple hip surgeries. I'm just extra cool and special like that I suppose. Two years ago, back when I was a silly and naive newly turned 17 year old, I was dumb enough to believe the idiot of a dance teacher that told me doing a straddle leap within the first 10 minutes of class was a good idea--I landed, my leg twisted in, and I felt something crunch in my right hip. After being tossed around by a couple of docs (including being put on crutches "just to see"), I got one to agree to MRI the thing and was informed I had a labral tear. Fun stuff. That doc also agreed to do arthroscopic surgery to, as far as I knew at the time, fix it. 18 months later, something was up. Went back, he MRI'ed it and I had another tear. Fantastic because I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary (ok, so I suppose dancing 40 hours a week isn't exactly normal, but we've already established that I'm not all that normal either). He told me that I was crazy, there was nothing wrong--umm, hello, I could see the tear on the MRI myself and I haven't even gone to med school yet. So I walked out of his office. Yada yada yada. Finally, in August, after have more x-rays than most people get in a lifetime, a cortisone injection, a CT scan, and spending more hours in PT and in my ortho's office than I spent at my job, we discovered that my femoral head took after myself in terms of not being totally normal (see, I tell you, being normal is overrated! Even my bones aren't normal!). So I had another arthroscopic surgery to fix that (mine's figure B) and the new labral tear in October. Got to spend a month crutching around a college campus and into suburbian hell for PT. They let me loose to do whatever I pleased again on January 17th and started letting me jump again on Valentine's Day (aww, isn't that sweet...). Now we've got some problemos over in Mr. Left hip, but je ne sais pas what's up with that. Probably the same thing which is just superb. I've always wanted old lady hips! (some kid, during my month of crutching joy, asked what the crutches were for. When he heard it was because I had hip surgery, his response was none other than "oh, my grandma had that"...). Enough about that. You'll probably hear more about it later.

So this weekend. Yea.

Friday was rather uneventful. The fuse blew in half our room again (we weren't even using the hairdryer this time!) but they fixed it and life went on. Then I thought my roommate might have been killed by an armed robber on the loose when she didn't come back until midnight, but she was just in the library.

Saturday rudely interrupted my sleep pattern at 2am when for some reason (probably a hippy smoking a hooka in their room) the fire alarm went off. Did I mention it was cold and windy outside? No, well, it was. Fine enough, got back to sleep around 2:30am. 8:30am rolled around and my alarm clock awoke me for work. It was pouring rain and this was unbeknownest to me until I was sprinting out of my dorm to get to work on time. So I looked like a drowned puppy. Got back from work and we discovered that our suite was on the last roll of toilet paper so the roommate and I ventured out to Target (in the windy wetness) to get some. All is well aside from the overwhelming number of choices for toilet paper. I believe we went with Scott. We make our return to find that the back gate of campus is closed and locked because it is now after dark. Rather than walk the extra mile to the front gate, we hop the fence. This is not an easy task while wearing rain gear and carrying lots of bags. In the process, my roommate rips her pants and we (only slightly) break the fence. We trek through the woods with the promise of a warm dorm room on the other side. Roommate gets taken out by a down tree--lands in the mud. At this point, we decide we should write a novel. Get back to the room and head off to watch some African films for one of my roommate's classes. We almost get blown away on the walk there. And find that one of the windows has been blown out. We survive and, after some trouble with the remotes, even watch the DVD! We decided that, if the day had been made into a Facebook album, it'd be titled "The Adventures of Gimpy and Split Pants Girl".

Sunday...oh, Sunday. So. Fire alarm went off at 4am. We were fucking pissed. Then we opened the door to the hallway and were overwhelmed with white powdery smoke. Some drunk asshats decided to empty 6 fire extinguishers in our hall. Fantastic. They've "cleaned" it up, but it still is like a freaking winter wonderland out in the hall. Oh how I love college.